


Speaking In Cursive

by captainkippen



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cyrus gets adopted by the basketball team, M/M, Romance, Secret Admirer, Slow Burn, and TJ joins film club, stop coming for me about 'yoghurt pots' guys I'm ENGLISH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 10:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17222030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainkippen/pseuds/captainkippen
Summary: All year Cyrus has been receiving mysterious notes. He finds them slipped into his locker, tucked inside his books, and on one memorable occasion stuck to the bottom of the muffin he was eating at lunch.A.K.AThe one where Cyrus is a filmmaker and the basketball team decide to adopt him.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone was so nice about Best Laid Plays so... this happened. You can find me on tumblr @captainkippen.

**_‘I think your smile might be the best thing I’ve ever seen.’_ **

 

The note had slipped out from Cyrus’ locker when he’d opened it to put his books back. He smiled to himself as he bent down to scoop it up, and a warm blush spread across his cheeks as he flicked it open to read it. He’d lost count of how the number of notes he’d received that year so far. They’d started appearing a couple of weeks into the semester, slipped into his locker, in the pages of his books, and, on one memorable occasion, stuck to the bottom of the muffin he was eating at lunch. He had no idea who they were from, and he hadn’t yet managed to catch the culprit in the act - whoever it was was a master of stealth.

“Another one?” Asked Andi, leaning against the locker next to Cyrus’. “What’s this one say?”

He turned it around so she could read it. Her eyes scanned over it quickly and she smirked. “Smooth. You figured out who it is yet?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea how they manage to get close enough to do this without me noticing,” He sighed. “It’s fine, I’m learning to live with the mystery.”

“Really? That would drive me crazy if I was you.”

Cyrus hummed thoughtfully. “I gotta admit it drives me a _little_ crazy, but it's kinda fun not knowing who it is.”

“Must be nice knowing somebody's secretly swooning over you,” she laughed. “Anyway, we gotta go or we’ll be late and I wanna sit on the good bit of the bleachers.”

“Right,” Cyrus shoved the note in his pocket, shut his locker and trailed after Andi as she headed for the gym. It was a Wednesday afternoon, which meant Buffy had basketball practice. She was the point guard for Jefferson High and the first and only girl on the team. Being the supportive best friends they were, Cyrus and Andi went to every practice that they could and rarely missed actual games even though neither of them understood basketball in the slightest. Though, if Cyrus was honest with himself he’d be forced to admit that Buffy’s presence on the team wasn’t the only reason he enjoyed watching the basketball team play - the captain’s arms were a big draw. TJ Kippen was the year ahead of Cyrus and his friends in school, a senior, and Cyrus had been crushing on him since Freshmen year. He was tall, popular and had the greenest eyes Cyrus had ever seen… he also looked exceptionally good in his basketball uniform. Seriously, it should’ve been illegal for anybody to look that good.

When Cyrus wasn’t focused on cheering Buffy on while she played, he was focused on the look of determination on TJ’s face, the way his jersey sometimes slid up revealing little strips of his stomach when he reached for the ball, and the way he got all sweaty and cheerful after a particularly good practice.

“You’re staring again,” Said Andi in a bored voice without even looking at Cyrus.

“Am not!” He spluttered in response. She turned slightly to raise a disbelieving eyebrow at him. He sighed. “I’m just trying to understand the game,” He said.

“We’ve been watching Buffy play since Middle School, if you don’t understand the game by now you never will.”

“Well, maybe today’s the day I finally figure it out.”

“Cyrus, I mean this in the nicest way possible… if you ever understand any kind of sports properly I will eat my own headband.”

He was saved from having a to come up with a retort by a sudden commotion on the court. At some point, while he and Andi were bickering, a shot had gone awry and one of the players had managed to accidentally nail TJ in the face with the ball. He was just now sitting up on the court, clutching his nose with a pained groan, and Cyrus could see blood dripping through his fingers.

“Oh my God,” Andi said. “Quick, Cyrus you have your first aid kit with you, right?”

He always did. Cyrus was nothing if not a careful guy. He scrambled for his bag and pulled out the kit, then jumped up and stumbled down the court. He shoved his through the cluster of players and dropped to his knees next to TJ.

“Somebody go get some ice from the nurse,” He ordered. TJ looked at him in confusion, but he didn’t look dazed so Cyrus figured he was probably safe from concussion. “Tip you head forward,” He told him, “and pinch the bridge of your nose. That should stop the bleeding. Here-” He handed TJ some tissues to bleed into. After a minute, the bleeding started to subside and Cyrus offered him some painkillers and a bottle of water as one of the guys returned with some ice.

“Thanks,” Said TJ, popping them into his mouth and pressing the ice to his nose. Cyrus tamped down on the thrill that ran down his spine at the fact that TJ Kippen was speaking to him, trying to focus on the problem at hand.

“It’s no problem, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just hurts like a bitch.”

Cyrus nodded. “It will do. If it helps I don’t think your nose is broken? But if it starts bleeding again later you should probably go see somebody about it.”

“Right, right,” TJ nodded. “Cyrus Goodman, right? You’re friends with Buffy.”

“Uh, yeah,” He hadn’t realised that TJ knew who he was.

TJ smiled at him as widely as he could without his nose hurting more. “Well, thanks again... for making sure I didn’t bleed to death.”

Cyrus just huffed up a laugh and got up, offering a hand out to TJ and helping him stand. He returned to the bleachers where Andi sat, Buffy having joined her at some point during the fuss.

“He okay?” Buffy asked.

“He’s fine, just bleeding. What even happened?” 

“Reed launched the ball right into his face,” She explained. “I don’t know if he just misjudged the shot he was taking or what, but TJ’s face was in the way.”

“He was shooting pretty hard for an accident,” Cyrus said. “TJ's face is gonna be really bruised.”

“How tragic for you,” Said Andi.

“Oh hush, I'm just concerned. He could've been seriously injured!”

“Sure you are, Cy,” Buffy said knowingly, patting him on the shoulder. “Sure you are.”

“I need new friends,” He sighed as Andi and Buffy laughed.

 

*******

 

Cyrus didn’t think too much of his short blood-filled interaction with TJ afterwards. He took a few minutes that evening to obsess over the fact that TJ now _definitely_ knew he existed but once his exhilaration over that had faded a little he told himself firmly that it was nothing to be excited about and instead decided to focus on adding the new note from his secret admirer to the small box of them on his desk. It wasn’t until the next afternoon that he was forcibly reminded of the previous day's events that he actually began to dwell on it.

Thursday afternoons on Cyrus’ schedule were filled by Film Club, and probably his favourite part of the week. The club was run by Mr Riley, one of the art teachers, a lanky bespeckled man with a soft spot for chocolate that made it easy to bribe him into letting his students get away with things they usually wouldn’t. The Film Club wasn’t very big, it only consisted of about six students, and the only members who made regular appearances were Cyrus along with a skinny ginger boy named Gus, and Iris, a friendly girl Cyrus knew from Middle School who shared his love of reptiles. Despite this, there was no shortage of enthusiasm with which to fill the meetings and they regularly managed to get noise complaints from other extracurricular groups around after particularly rowdy movie debates.

They were in the film room arguing about Quentin Tarantino (Cyrus firmly believed the director was overhyped and creepy, while Gus tossed about words like ‘ingenuity’ and ‘inspiration) and waiting for Mr Riley to return from his coffee run when the door cracked open, causing them all to fall silent. They never had visitors. People either turned up on time or they didn’t turn up at all. What was even more stunning was that when the door opened properly it revealed TJ standing there awkwardly, school bag slung over his shoulder and an uncertain look on his face.

“Uh, hi,” He said, as they stared at him. “Sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to talk to Cyrus…?”

Gus and Iris looked at Cyrus, wide-eyed. Before he could say anything, the two of them shoved him off the desk he was sat on and towards the door. He glared at them but slipped outside to join TJ and shut the door gently behind him anyway.

“Hi,” He said, awkwardly.

“Hi,” Said TJ.

There was a brief moment of silence, TJ just looking at Cyrus and making him shift uncomfortably.

Cyrus gestured to his face. “How’s your…?”

“Oh! It’s fine,” TJ replied quickly, seeming to remember why he was there very suddenly. “Just a little bruised, you were right though… it’s not broken or anything. Um, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about? I just wanted to say thanks again, for coming to my rescue yesterday. That was pretty nice of you. Saved me a trip to the nurse.”

“It was nothing,” Cyrus shrugged with a shy smile. “Glad I could be of service.”

TJ smiled back, and Cyrus scrambled for something interesting to say. “Uh, so how'd you find me here?”

“Buffy told me where to find you.” Right. Of course she did, Cyrus mentally berated himself. It wasn't like they were friends - how else would he know to look for Cyrus in film club other than by asking Buffy? He had no reason to take any notice of what Cyrus did outside of class. Or in class for that matter. It was a small blessing that he was was saved from having to make further conversation because Mr Riley suddenly appeared behind TJ, clutching coffee, glasses slightly askew, looking very harried.

“Sorry, Cyrus,” Mr Riley said, pushing his glasses up his nose. “That took longer than I thought it would. You would not believe how long the line was. Well, let’s crack on, shall we? What are you doing out here- oh, new recruit?” Mr Riley’s face lit up as he registered Cyrus’ presence.

“Oh, no-” Cyrus and TJ both started to object.

“Excellent, excellent, c’mon boys,” He said, ignoring their protests and shepherding them through the door. To TJ's credit, he didn't seem to mind being corralled too much, and when he seemed to realise there was no turning back now he slid into the seat next to Cyrus with ease.

“Don't mind him,” Cyrus said, gesturing at Mr Riley who was dumping his things on the teacher's desk while he rambled about busy days and busier coffee houses. “He gets excited when more than three people show up. Not a lot of film nerds in this school.”

“Really?” TJ asked, looking genuinely surprised. “I would've thought it'd be a pretty popular club. Movies are cool. You make films as well as watching them right?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus says. “Sort of. When we can. Just small ones.”

“Awesome.”

“THE NOAH MASON AWARD,” Mr Riley burst out suddenly, startling everybody as he wheeled around to face them properly. “That's what I was going to talk about! The Noah Mason Award!”

TJ learned over to Cyrus as Mr Riley began babbling nonsensically again and whispered, “Uh… who's Noah Mason?”

“He's this big documentary maker,” Cyrus explained quietly. “He runs a competition every year for amateur filmmakers around the country… the winner gets an internship with his production company.”

“You ever enter?”

He shook his head. “I always wanted to, but I never had anyone to make it with. Iris is always busy and Gus doesn't like documentaries, he thinks they're boring… it's kinda hard to make a whole movie by yourself.”

“What would your movie be about? If you could enter, I mean?”

Cyrus tried not to blush and hoped he didn't sound dumb as he answered. “Um, well it would be about Shadyside actually. You know, the town has a lot of interesting people and history… I thought I could focus on all the urban legends around the area and stuff.”

“An exploration of Shadyside,” TJ smiled. “That sounds pretty cool, actually.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus smiled back. “It would be... if I could actually do it.”

They go quiet again, watching Mr Riley gesture wildly as he passionately explained the benefits of submitting a piece for the Noah Mason Award. Cyrus imagined it wistfully, being invited to the Award Exhibition at the end of the year to see all the shortlisted films. It was an honour even to be considered for the award.

“Uh, Mr Riley,” TJ said, surprising everyone by clearing his throat and speaking up. He had that determined look on his face that Cyrus recognised from the basketball court.

Mr. Riley stuttered to a halt, staring at TJ. He was used to everybody just letting him chatter on without paying much attention to what he was actually saying - his students loved him but they were well aware he was a scattered mess a good ninety per cent of the time.

“Um, yes…?”

“TJ,” TJ said.

“Yes, TJ? You have a question?”

“Yeah,” TJ leaned forward and gestured to where Mr. Riley had scrawled “NOAH MASON” in large messy letters across the whiteboard. “Does the school provide like all the equipment for the filming and stuff?"

“Well, yes,” Mr Riley replied, surprise growing as he pushed his glasses back up his nose yet again. “Why, are you interested in taking part?”

It was rare for new students to join the club halfway through the year. It was even rarer for those students to be jocks _and_ to want to take part in something like the Noah Mason Award. Cyrus was a little gobsmacked himself. TJ hadn't even come here to join in with the club; he'd literally just shown up out of politeness to say thank you to Cyrus again. What on earth was he still doing here?

“Yes,” TJ said resolutely. “I wanna help Cyrus make his documentary about Shadyside. If that's okay with you, obviously?”

He had turned back to look at Cyrus again, who was currently having a small mental meltdown as he processed TJ's words. He wanted to help him make a film? TJ Kippen, captain of the basketball team and Cyrus’ longtime crush who he had just spoken to properly for the first time yesterday, wanted to help him make a documentary on Shadyside? He could feel Iris and Gus’ states boring into the back of his head, the weight of the room's attention suddenly turned on him.

“That's… yeah,” Is all he could say. Way to sound intelligent, Cyrus.

“Fantastic!” Mr Riley clapped his hands together in excitement. “You’re making a good choice, this really is a great opportunity! Now, you'll have to fill out these forms…”

TJ was hanging on to Mr Riley's every word, oblivious to Cyrus staring at him. He couldn't read his eyes away, he was still trying to figure out what had just happened. Was TJ bluffing? Did he feel awkward having been pulled into the club meeting by Mr Riley and obliged to take part? What the hell was happening?

A little while later when the meeting wrapped up, TJ continued to baffle Cyrus by strolling alongside him as they headed out of the building.

“Is it okay that I jumped in like that?” He asked. “If you don't want me to help with your project that's totally cool, I kinda invited myself into it. I should've asked you first.”

“It's fine,” Cyrus said. It was definitely fine. TJ could invite himself to anything he wanted as far as Cyrus was concerned. “I’d be happy for you to help if you really do want to. It'd be cool to be able to enter. You don't have to though!”

“I know I don't have to. I want to… it sounds like a really cool project. It'd be nice to do something outside of basketball anyway, plus I figure I owe you. You did save me from losing my nose.”

Cyrus laughed. “You say that like it would've had to be amputated.”

“Who knows?” TJ knocked their shoulders together playfully. “Maybe it would've been without you.”

“You’d have to go through life looking like Voldemort,” He joked, and forced himself not to freak out about the fact TJ was laughing along with him as if he was the funniest guy in the world. His smile could light up an entire room, Cyrus realised as he looked at him, and he was the one to make TJ smile like that in the first place. He wanted to do it again - joke until TJ was doubled over laughing that sweet, ridiculous, addictive laugh of his.

“Can you imagine? I totally couldn’t pull off Wizard’s robes, it’d be tragic,” He grinned crookedly at Cyrus. “I'm serious though, I'd like to help if you'll have me?”

_‘If you'll have me’_. Internally Cyrus was screaming. As if there was any existing world in which he would ever say no to TJ Kippen. Stay cool, Cyrus. Stay cool.

“Sounds awesome.” Casual acceptance achieved! Success.

“Great.” They slowed to a halt at the edge of the parking lot. “You need a ride home?”

If TJ was going to help him on the Noah Mason Award project he was going to have to stop making Cyrus’ brain short-circuit like that. It was supremely unfair and made it ever so hard for Cyrus to play it cool.

A few hours later, when TJ had dropped him off and he’d finally escaped his mom’s interrogation about turning up in a strange new car, Cyrus pulled off his jacket and threw it on to his bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the small movement of something fluttering to the floor, and he turned to see what it was.

Another note - the corner of some notebook paper ripped off and folded up.

 

**_‘I feel like I could talk to you forever.’_**

 

Cyrus read it over and over, wondering how on earth his secret admirer got close enough to him to slip a note into the pocket of his jacket. He must’ve bumped into them in the hallway or something earlier in the day. After reading it again, letting himself bask in the attention of a mysterious stranger for a couple of moments more, he finally shrugged to himself and put it away with the rest of the notes. He could dig it out again another day when he was feeling less good about himself and maybe, just maybe, it would cheer him up a little.

 

**_‘I feel like I could talk to you forever.’_**

 

Yeah, just a little.


	2. Two

**_‘I love the way you light up when you laugh.’_ **

By the morning of the next day, Cyrus had half managed to convince himself that he dreamed the events of the previous afternoon. Surely TJ Kippen would have better things to do with his time than help Cyrus make a documentary. Maybe he hadn't actually realised what he was signing up for and had just sort of agreed to do it but didn't actually mean it. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea of TJ willingly spending time with him.

The car ride home had been strange, but far from uncomfortable. TJ had cranked up the stereo, blasting  _ Queen _ the whole way home and half-yelling over the top of it talking about everything and anything. He'd asked Cyrus about his day, and they'd ended up sat in the Goodman's driveway chatting about the recent releases in the local movie theatre that they both wanted to see for a good half an hour until he realised he was going to be late for dinner and had to get out of the car. When his mom had asked how school went, Cyrus had no idea how to explain that he thought he might have made a new friend by accident. 

He had thought, maybe, that things would go back to normal after that and TJ would forget about everything, but the trend of unusualness continued when Cyrus sat down the usual cafeteria table for lunch, waiting for Buffy, Andi and Jonah to arrive from their respective classes, only for TJ to appear and slide into place in the seat opposite him.

“Hey,” He said, an easy grin on his face. 

“Um, hi?” Cyrus replied.

“It okay it if I sit you with you?”

“Sure?”

“Great.” Then he turned, scanning the crowd before he found who he was looking for, and hollered across the cafeteria. “Yo! Guys! Over here!”

If Cyrus had thought TJ sitting down with him was strange, that was nothing compared to how it felt being joined at the table by Marty, Walker, Lester, and Reed, along with several other members of the Jefferson High basketball team. It wasn’t uncommon to see the boys in the cafeteria, they stopped by the table sometimes to talk to Buffy about basketball-related things, but they never actually sat down. They had their own table in the corner, located perfectly in a way that gave them access to food and also put them in the direct line of sight of this table (meaning Cyrus could stare at TJ all he wanted, no matter how much he insisted that he wasn’t staring). It was slightly confusing to watch as they jostled around and joked with one another as they sat down, accepting Cyrus’ presence as if it was a common occurrence. Despite seeing these guys around fairly regularly (they were hard to avoid seeing as Buffy was always playing basketball and Cyrus was always with Buffy) he had never had an actual conversation with any of them. It felt as if he’d wandered into a weird dream.

“Goodman, right?” Walker asked. 

“That’s me.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you. I’m Walker. You want a fry?” Cyrus didn’t have a chance to even say yes before Walker was shoving fries on to his plate from his own. Was this how jocks made friends? By ambushing strangers with fries?

“So, you’re friends with Buffy Driscoll, right?” He turned to find Marty leaning into his space, looking at him with interest. Walker shoved him away from Cyrus with a roll of his eyes.

“Honestly, Marts. Have some manners. Let the kid eat before you go interrogating him about your crush.”

Marty spluttered. “I do not have a crush on Driscoll!”

“Sorry, you’re right. I meant obsession.”

“You have a crush on Buffy?” Cyrus asked, surprised.

“He totally stalks her Twitter,” Lester grinned. 

Marty sighed, shooting them all a long-suffering look. Cyrus got the feeling that this was a conversation these guys had had a  _ lot _ . “It’s not a crush, I just think she’s funny, okay?”

“Hm,” TJ said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You talk about her a lot for somebody who ‘doesn’t have a crush’, man.”

Marty narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re one to talk about crushes-” He started.

“Okay!” Walker chimed in suddenly. “Let’s change the subject before somebody actually gets killed, alright. Cyrus, Teej here tells us he’s gonna help you out making a documentary?”

Suddenly, all eyes were on him.

“Uh… yeah. It’s this competition thing for film club. If you get shortlisted they show your movie at this big festival exhibition, and the winner gets an internship at a production company, so…”

“That’s awesome. What’s it gonna be about?”

“Life in Shadyside.

A loud snort came from the end of the table. Up until that moment Reed had been relatively quiet, ignoring all of them and picking at his food instead of taking part in the conversation, but now he was looking right at Cyrus with an unimpressed expression. “Sounds lame,” He said. 

Quite immediately Cyrus felt very  _ very  _ small.

“You’re lame,” Walker retorted without hesitation, throwing a fry at Reed’s face as he did. Reed’s unimpressed face did not change. 

“Don’t mind him,” Marty said. “Reed’s a permanent asshole. I bet your documentary will be  _ awesome _ .”

“It totally will,” TJ agreed. “We’re gonna explore all these cool urban legends around town and stuff, right Cyrus?”

“Do you film shit a lot?” Lester asked.

“Um, I mean sometimes. When I can. Little videos on stuff I find interesting.”

“They any good?”

“They’re awesome,” Came a proud voice from behind them. Cyrus turned to find Buffy and Andi stood there holding their lunch trays looking almost as confused about the presence of the basketball players as Cyrus was. “He has a YouTube channel. It’s great. Anyway,” Buffy said, forcing them all to move up so she and Andi could fit around the table. “What are you guys harassing Cy for?”

“What?” TJ asked. “We not allowed to talk to your friends now, Driscoll?”

“You’ve never shown much interest before,” Andi pointed out. 

“Oh believe me,” Said Walker. “There’s  _ been  _ interest.”

Before any of them could even think about responding to that comment, Jonah appeared and forced everyone to move up yet again before he slipped into the small space beside Cyrus and slung an arm around his shoulder.

“‘Sup guys,” He said. “What, was the cafeteria out of tables?” 

“My teammates have decided they want more friends,” Buffy said dryly.

“Oh, cool.” Contrary to his words, Jonah didn't look like he thought it was cool at all. In fact, he was staring across the table at TJ with an expression on his face that suggested he'd just stepped in something particularly nasty. TJ didn't look thrilled by Jonah's presence either. Cyrus frowned - Jonah wasn't usually one to make snap judgements about people, he wanted to be friends with everyone, so he wasn't quite sure what his problem with was TJ. 

The tension was palpable, it appeared that nearly everyone had noticed it, and it was with an uneasy smile that Marty sat up straighter and directed his gaze back to Buffy. 

“So, Driscoll… you beat my track time yet?”

The look of scorn Buffy gave him was an immediate distraction to anything else going on. “You learn to count yet?” She shot back. Marty’s uneasy smile transformed into an impish grin and the two of them fell into a steady stream of snarky banter. 

Walker gave Cyrus and Andi a long-suffering look. “They do this  _ every  _ practice,” He complained, as Marty and Buffy bickered in the background. “It used to be entertaining but now it's just sad.”

They watched for a moment to make sure Buffy didn’t do anything like shove Marty’s face into his tray of food. It was interesting to see her interact with her teammates away from the basketball court. She hung out with them on occasion, but never when Andi and Cyrus were around. Cyrus wondered if she even realised Marty was trying to flirt with her, or if she was too focused on making everything into a competition as usual. 

“So, you have a YouTube channel?” Lester asked, clearly getting bored of the Buffy-And-Marty show. He gave Cyrus a friendly smile, and his genuine look of interest caught him by surprise. TJ also perked up at this, leaning forward slightly to listen to Cyrus talk.

“It’s not like a vlog or anything interesting.”

“Can we follow it?” TJ asked eagerly, looking far more excited than he needed to be. Cyrus’ YouTube videos were mostly edits of days out with friends and short documentaries on lesser-known historical figures and events that he found interesting. In his opinion, they weren't anything special, but they had amassed a decent following over the past couple of years (mostly by internet friends and people he'd met on club field trips and at little local film festivals). 

“It's not that great,” He said. Jonah and Andi both made loud noises of disagreement.

“It's  _ awesome, _ ” Jonah insisted, ruffling Cyrus’ hair. “Don't put yourself down. You're the best filmmaker ever.”

“I don't know about that…”

“You are,” Andi agreed. “He's won like three screenwriting contests  _ and  _ he got shortlisted for a blogging competition last year.” The boys all looked impressed save for Reed, but Cyrus was starting to get the feeling that he wouldn't be earning his favour anytime soon. Nevertheless, he felt a bubble of pride well up inside him. Sometimes it felt like Cyrus loved his friends so much he might explode - this was one of those times. 

“What kind of stuff do you write?” TJ asked as Walker and the others flipped open the YouTube apps on their phones to search for Cyrus’ channel. 

He shrugged. “Just… anything that comes to mind really.” He didn't really want to admit that a good chunk of his writing and films centred around LGBTQ+ themes (he liked to focus on the parts of historical figures' lifestyles that straight historians tended  to gloss over) unsure about what kind of reaction he'd get from a group of guys who spent the majority of their time surrounded by a hyper-masculine locker room culture.

Walker waved his phone around slightly, tipping it towards TJ so he could also see when Cyrus’ channel popped. They both peered at the screen. Cyrus felt himself start to sweat slightly under the scrutiny, worried that any moment they might decide he was a freak and they actually  _ didn't  _ want to sit with him at all.

“These look awesome,” Walker grinned. In relief, Cyrus let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

“How long have you been doing this?” TJ asked, taking Walker's phone and scrolling down the channel page.

“Since I was about twelve? Andi’s mom actually used to help me with it a lot. She still reads my scripts,” Cyrus said.

Andi beamed at him. It was true; the first time Cyrus had shown Bex one of his scripts it hadn’t been the best, but over the years she’d continued to read his work and help him improve it. Sometimes she felt like more of an older sister than ‘Andi’s mom’. They were all lucky to have her.

Lester nudged TJ. “You should tweet about Goodman's channel, get him some more views.” He turned to them. “TJ has, like, a shit ton of Twitter followers.”

“I don't have that many- it's not a big deal,” TJ said, hurriedly. His cheeks had gone slightly pinkish for reasons Cyrus couldn't determine. 

“Maybe he can be like your marketing team,” Walker suggested with a cheeky smile. “You should follow him. He's really funny.”

“You don't have to,” TJ said quickly, elbowing Walker sharply. “I'm not that funny. It's definitely not worth it.”

“What's the handle?”

Walker’s grin widened as he gave it to Cyrus. He was right, TJ did have a pretty decent amount of followers. Then again that wasn’t too surprising, TJ was a really interesting guy. If Cyrus had that many followers he would be pretty proud of himself - he tweeted mostly short movie reviews and comments about baby taters.  TJ’s profile was cute; the header was a picture of the team during a game and his icon was an adorable mirror selfie. 

The first tweet that popped up read:

> **My crush is nice to me once and I'm all like “MARRY ME” for the next thirty years.**

Cyrus liked it. The rest of his Twitter was a similarly relatable, mixed in with random snippets of TJ's day-to-day life and links to his Instagram. Cyrus followed both happily - he had always avoided looking TJ up on social media preferring to crush on him from afar. He wondered who TJ was talking about in his tweets… if maybe there was a pretty girl hiding somewhere in the school unaware that he was so into her, and felt his heart sink a little as he read them. It’s not that he ever really thought he had a chance with TJ, but it was nice to pretend.

The conversation about social media was derailed a moment later when Buffy actually did shove Marty’s face into his food. Cyrus watched TJ’s face light up in laughter as Marty sat up wiping mashed potato from his eyes, and his heart stuttered treacherously. He had to get over this crush if TJ really was going to be working on the project with him. He couldn’t afford to keep getting distracted by his arms or his smile or his hair. It was ridiculous. It was time for drastic measures.

 

*******

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us before!” Andi exclaimed. She, Buffy, Jonah and Cyrus were sat at The Spoon together drinking milkshakes and debriefing one another about their days. Cyrus had just informed them about the events of the day before, and what led up to TJ offering to help him out with the Noah Mason Award.

“I forgot,” He said, sheepishly. This wasn’t entirely true. He hadn’t forgotten, it was more that he hadn’t really wanted to get his own hopes up by saying it out loud only to have it turn out that he’d misunderstood and TJ didn’t want to help after all. However, after today’s lunch, it was a little harder to deny that it was happening. 

Buffy looked at him in wonder. “You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen TJ talk to anyone who wasn’t on the basketball team unless he was insulting them. This is so weird.”

“Now maybe you can ask him out,” Andi suggested a devious gleam in her eye. Cyrus did not enjoy that look. It was the same look that Bex got on her face when she was about to do something that could potentially land them all in trouble. Andi was becoming more and more like her mother every day. He shook his head quickly. 

“No way, that’s what I’m trying to say - I need you guys to help me.”

“We can’t ask him out for you, Cyrus.”

He sighed. “Not what I meant. I mean, I can’t have a crush on him now he’s decided he wants to hang out, especially if he’s helping me with the documentary. It’ll be too distracting, and I don’t want to make him feel weird or something by accident, y’know? I have to get over it.”

The girls looked unimpressed by this decision, but they agreed to help all the same. 

“Okay,” Buffy said. “From now on if it seems like you’re too focused on TJ we’ll distract you or something.”

“Ooh, we could help you find a new guy to crush on,” Andi waggled her eyebrows. “Hey! What about your secret admirer?”

“What about them?” His eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“We could find out who it is, that’d be a pretty good distraction.”

“It might not even be a guy.”

“It probably is,” Jonah said. “I don’t think there’s anyone at school who doesn’t know you’re gay. It would be weird if it was a girl. Anyway, you didn’t tell me you’re  _ still  _ getting those notes?”

“Oh, I found another note this morning, too,” Cyrus said, pulling out the library book from his bag in which he’d put the note for safekeeping. This note was another that had been slipped into his locker, but the paper was different this time. It looked almost as if it had been carefully cut from a sketchpad, a light cream colour with a slightly uneven surface. The writing was the same neat lopping cursive as always, and the sentiment had had Cyrus smiling to himself all through the first period. Jonah took it from him carefully, flattening it out on the table.

“‘I love the way you light up when you laugh’,” He read out slowly. “Wow, whoever it is is really smitten. You really don’t have any idea who it might be?”

Cyrus shook his head. “No clue. I’ve been getting them for months.”

“It’s gotta be someone you know, right?” Buffy suggested, peering over at the note. “They know when you’re not gonna be your locker.”

“They could just wait for him to leave for class though,” Andi pointed out. 

“But what about that one time with the muffin?” 

“I still can’t believe no one saw that happen,” Jonah said. “Like what’re the chances of somebody being able to attach a note to a  _ muffin  _ without at least one of us at the table seeing them?”

Buffy smirked. “Clearly Cyrus’ secret admirer is a ninja.”

“Or a spy,” Andi grinned. 

“Maybe they’re magic,” Cyrus said. “There was a note in my pocket yesterday. They’re upping their game.” They laughed, joking about increasingly ridiculous theories on how the secret admirer was operating. It was certainly intriguing. The note-giver would have to be someone that the group saw at least semi-regularly and probably talked too as well if they were getting close enough to slip things into Cyrus’ clothes.

“Let’s just hope it’s not a stalker,” Jonah said. 

“I think Cy’s just hoping it’s TJ,” Buffy teased. Cyrus made a face and threw a fry at her, but she caught it and ate it with a self-satisfied smirk. Jonah frowned. 

“What’s with that face?” Andi asked.

“What?” Jonah said, face suddenly switching to blank innocence. “Nothing!” They all looked at him. He sighed, cracking easily. “I just don’t see what’s so great about TJ Kippen is all.”

Jonah rarely disliked people and it was even rarer that he lied to his friends, but it sounded like he was leaving details out on purpose. Andi squinted at him suspiciously. 

“What aren’t you telling us?” She asked. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No,” Jonah said. “He’s just… I don’t know what his deal is? It always kinda seemed like he had a problem with me.”

“I didn’t realise you two even talked,” Said Cyrus.

“We used to play baseball together. He’s just not a nice guy. I don’t know… I think you could do better, Cy.”

“You’re not going to try and set me up with one of your frisbee friends again, are you?” He asked, worriedly. “Because no offence but last time was… not great.”

“Yeah, why do all your friends talk like they come straight out of a late nineties surfer movie, Jonah?” Buffy asked, jokingly. 

Jonah had a habit of trying to set Cyrus up, but he wasn’t very good at it. The intent was sweet and very much appreciated, but he wasn’t quite sure how to tell Jonah his taste in guys was absolutely terrible.

“Shut up,” Jonah laughed. “Anyway, I thought you wanted to get over your crush? Wouldn’t going on other dates be a good way to do that?”

“He has a point,” Andi said.

“Not if they're terrible,” Buffy replied. Cyrus secretly agreed with her but didn’t want to hurt Jonah’s feelings.

“C’mon,” Jonah pleaded. “I promise not to set you up with anyone from the frisbee team. I know loads of guys you’d get along with great.” 

He certainly did know a lot of people. He was arguably one of the most popular boys in Shadyside, and Cyrus had always admired how confident he was. He wished he had that kind of confidence… maybe speaking to new people would help. It was possible that for once Jonah was right about something.

After a moment of quiet Cyrus finally sighed. “Okay,” He said. “But if I’ll need to check urban dictionary every five minutes, then the guy probably isn’t right for me.”

This was going to end terribly and he knew it, but the excited look on Jonah’s face almost made it worth it. Plus, if it meant he could move on from TJ then it was for the best. Maybe Andi was right too and he should try finding out who was slipping him the notes. It would definitely be a good distraction. 

 


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're lucky i didn't name marty 'marty mcfly'

On Friday morning, Cyrus was still half asleep and generally unaware of the world around him when he got to school. This at least explained his reaction when he closed his locker only to reveal TJ standing there, leaning against the wall with a smile. Later, when Cyrus told Buffy and Andi about this he’d pretend he handled TJ’s surprise appearance with grace. In reality that was not the case. He yelped loudly and lost grip on everything he was holding. The hall became a confetti parade of paper and stationery. To his credit, TJ didn’t laugh. He was actually very apologetic as he helped Cyrus gather the pencils and pages of notes up from where they where they had scattered across the floor.

“Probably should’ve given you some warning that I was there, huh?” He said, biting his lip. “Sorry, I thought you’d seen me.”

Cyrus laughed as he began shoving things back into his bag. “Don’t worry about it. I was kinda out of it… didn’t get much sleep last night. I should’ve been paying more attention. At least I’m awake now?”

“Yeah, I’ve totally heard that starting the morning with a heart attack is an effective way of getting ready for school. Maybe I should be your new alarm clock...”

There was a twinkle of humour in TJ’s eyes and his sunny smile was so infectious that Cyrus couldn’t help but mirror it. He ducked his head away, telling himself it was just a joke and willing himself not to act like a total dork in response. Taking the hand that TJ offered, Cyrus let himself be helped up from the floor. He winced.

“You good?” TJ asked. “Not gonna be sending me any hospital bills now, are you?”

“It’s fine. I fall down a lot, and I’m a bit like a peach so...”

“Soft and sweet?”

Cyrus laughed. “I meant more as in I bruise easily.”

“Maybe we need to get some bubble wrap to wear so we can keep you safe.”

They started walking together, meandering down the hall aimlessly. It seemed like the rest of the student body had been affected by a similar case of sleepiness to Cyrus. There was an atmosphere of quiet tiredness, everyone clearly looking forward to a weekend of rest where they could ignore their homework and fill up on junk food. Or at least, that appeared to be TJ’s plan. Cyrus was pretty sure his first class was in the opposite direction, but the bell hadn’t gone yet so he was happy to stroll along occasionally bumping their shoulders together as TJ let him ramble about a National Geographic special on reptile species that had been on television the night before. He was struck once again by how comfortable it was between them. He’d never experienced such an easy friendship before, especially one that was brand new. TJ didn’t roll his eyes or tune him out while he spoke. It was refreshing.

“So, a few of the guys are swinging by my house this afternoon,” TJ said. “I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out with me? Us. We could get a jump start on planning the documentary. Plus there’ll be video games and snacks.”

“Free food is always a good thing,” Cyrus mused. “Are you sure? I don’t want to crash your quality ‘bro time’ or anything. We can do documentary stuff any time.”

“I want you there,” TJ said quickly, then coughed slightly. “If you want to be there, I mean. So do the others. Walker wants to see if you’re any good at ‘chel.”

Oh. They’d talked about him while he wasn’t there? TJ and his friends talked about him. The concept of being wanted by the jocks was oddly pleasing, if not slightly confusing. He worried for a moment that he wouldn’t fit in well if they were just hanging around. Guys being guys… it wasn’t really his scene. However, none of them had seemed too bothered by him being himself when they sat together at lunch (aside from Reed of course), and it would be rude to decline the invitation. He didn’t really _want_ to decline either.

“Well, I don’t know what ‘chel is but I’m absolutely bomb at MarioKart,” He said.

TJ laughed. “NHL ‘18 - it’s a hockey game, but MarioKart’s cool too. Bet I can beat you on Rainbow Road.”

“No way. I’m a champion, just ask my friends.”

From there the conversation began to devolve into MarioKart related smack talk, and they kept bantering until the bell rang and they were both forced to run for class. Cyrus received a pointed comment from his chemistry teacher for arriving a few minutes later, but it was totally worth it for the memory of TJ laughing at his jokes.

 

*******

 

By the end of the day, Cyrus was actually starting to feel quite nervous at the notion of spending time alone with TJ and his friends. What if he did something stupid and made himself look foolish so they all laughed at him? What if they didn’t actually like him and this was all an elaborate prank so he ended up naked and tied to a tree somewhere? What if… and the list went on. This tumbling train of thought was soon halted by TJ making another surprise appearance, this time outside of Cyrus’ last class for the day. He was waiting across the hall for him when the bell went. Cyrus wondered how he knew where to find him. He didn’t ask.

“Hey,” he greeted instead.

“Hey,” TJ grinned. “Is it cool if I give you a ride again? You don’t have a car, right?”

Cyrus shook his head. Both he and his parents had agreed that it was not a good idea for him to be entrusted with a car. He couldn’t even control a bike that well without injuring himself. He also didn’t know the way to TJ’s house, and it was probably best he wasn’t left to his own devices to find it. Maps and Cyrus were not a match made in heaven.

“Awesome,” Said TJ. “We’re meeting the others out front. I’m driving them too.”

They met the guys on the front steps, all of them stood in a group chattering by the time TJ and Cyrus arrived. Upon seeing the two of them Reed scowled and raised his voice, claiming he had better things to do at home than ‘hang out with you losers’, before walking away. Cyrus tried not to take it personally. The others had told him to ignore it before, so he figured that was probably the best way to handle this too. He chose instead to focus on Marty and Lester who, all the way from the school’s front steps to the parking lot, had been engaged in a playful argument over who called shotgun first. This disagreement was brought to a swift end by TJ, who shot both of them down immediately upon reaching the car.

“Cyrus goes in front,” He had said.

“What?!” Spluttered Marty in response, while Lester just made a noise of outrage.

Walker turned to look at Cyrus, shaking his head with a smile. “Unbelievable. You’ve been here like two days and you’re already his favourite.”

He couldn’t help but feel a strange sort of pride as Walker patted him on the shoulder and swung open the door to the back seats to climb in. Riding back to TJ’s in a car packed with basketball players was much more chaotic than Cyrus could’ve imagined. The topics of discussion seemed to change every five minutes, most of which included making fun of one of the others for dates they’d been on or girls they were crushing on. Meanwhile, TJ had to keep yelling at the guys to stop changing the music on the Bluetooth, and could they 'just stick to _one_ song, _please_ ’, which gave the whole ordeal a similar sort of atmosphere to that of a soccer mom driving her sons to a game.

When they eventually arrived at TJ’s house the guys tumbled out of the guy and practically sprinted up the driveway, leaving TJ and Cyrus to hop out and trail after them at a more reasonable speed. Cyrus watched as they burst through the front door, kicking off their shoes and letting out a barrage of loud greetings to a short, pretty woman he assumed must be Mrs Kippen. She was watching madness with a calm sort of amusement that suggested she’d experienced this too many times to be bothered by it anymore. Somewhere in the house, a dog’s barking sounded, and the sound of scrabbling feet against the floor got closer and closer until a large Golden Retriever burst into the hallway to join them, jumping up at the boys excitedly.

“Hey, Duke!” Walker grinned, bending down to let the dog lick at his hand happily. “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? That’s right, it’s you! You’re a good boy!”

Cyrus let TJ heard him in through the front door as he took in the house around them. It was the kind of homely place you’d expect to see on an ABC show. It was wide and open, with oak flooring and warm cream walls that were decorated with hanging framed photos of the Kippen family. He followed the guys as they made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Mom, this is Cyrus,” TJ said.

Mrs Kippen was tiny in comparison to the teenagers currently invading her house. She had a warm smile, and perfectly curled strawberry blonde locks fell just past her shoulders. Looking at her, Cyrus was reminded of the kind of characters you’d find in a Hallmark movie, especially the ones about horses.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Kippen.” He stepped forward to greet her, hearing his own mother’s voice in his head telling him to make a good impression. He hoped he looked okay, and suddenly found himself worrying that maybe he hadn’t managed to get all the mustard off his sweater where he’d dropped his sub at lunch. Was his hair neat enough? He wanted her to like him. Oh, God.

“Cyrus as in the famous Cyrus Goodman?” Mrs Kippen asked with a grin. She looked just like TJ… or TJ looked just like her. Either way, the effect was rather stunning. “Oh, honey. You can call me Grace.”

“I’m famous?”

TJ groaned, and the others laughed. The boys were currently grabbing sodas from the fridge and helping themselves to snacks from the cupboards. Grace was unphased.

“TJ’s talked about you,” She said, then turned suddenly. “Marty McCormack don’t you dare touch that lasagna, it is for _dinner!_ ”

Marty placed the dish he was holding back into the fridge with a guilty smile. Grace rolled her eyes and tutted, before folding her arms and turning to Cyrus.

“It’s like being a mother of twelve around here,” She said to him as if the two of them were sharing a funny inside joke. “Would you like a snack, dear? It seems the boys have forgotten their manners and haven’t offered you anything.”

More guilty smiles. Lester held out the bag of Cheetos he was currently working his way through to Cyrus.

“Honestly,” Grace sighed, then went to one of the cupboards and pulled out a tin of cookies out. She set them on the counter, grabbed a plate and laid them out carefully on it before offering them to Cyrus. Marty reached out to grab one, but she smacked his hand away.

“Guests first,” She scolded.

“I am a guest!”

“Sweetheart, you’re here more than TJ is. You’re practically a lodger.”

When they eventually had a satisfactory mountain of snacks gathered, the boys headed upstairs. Cyrus followed but kept getting sidetracked in the hallway by the family photographs. In some of them, TJ was so little he only came up to his father’s knees. It was adorable.

“Aw, don’t look at those!” TJ groaned when he looked back and noticed Cyrus lingering by his baby pictures.

Cyrus grinned at him. “I can’t help it, they’re just so cute!"

“I was an ugly child,” TJ complained, taking his hand and tugging him up the stairs. “Save your eyes.”

“There’s no such thing,” Said Cyrus. “You were adorable.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure… c’mon. My room’s this way.”

TJ’s bedroom was at the end of a wide hallway. It was a typical teenage boy’s bedroom, but bits and pieces of the decor were a clear representation of TJ’s own personality. The dark blue walls were plastered with posters of athletes and musicians that peeled slightly at the corners. CDs and battered old books were scattered across the room in small tottering piles, and discarded pieces of clothing had been gathered up and hastily shoved into the hamper in such a way that it looked like they were making a break for it. On his desk sat a vintage turntable next to a box of old records that Cyrus itched to look through. He also had a decent sized television with an Xbox hooked up to it, in front of which were a shaggy black rug and a couple of bean bags which Marty and Walker had already claimed. Lester was sprawled out in the corner on TJ’s bed having picked up an old comic book from the shelf to flick through. They all looked perfectly at home.

TJ ushered him into the room properly, telling him to sit wherever he liked, then kicked Marty’s feet out of the way so he could sit on the floor in front of the TV. Walker patted the space next to the bean bag he was on, gesturing for Cyrus to sit down, and then handed him a controller when he did.

“TJ says you’ve never heard of ‘chel,” He said.

“I’ve barely even heard of hockey,” Cyrus confirmed. “Not that… I mean obviously I know it’s a sport and they’ve got sticks and stuff, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge.”

“You’re so gonna suck at this,” Marty grinned as he fired up the console. “It’s gonna be awesome.”

True to what Marty had said, Cyrus was _terrible_ at the game. No matter how many times TJ showed him which buttons did what or where to direct his player, Cyrus had no idea what was going on. Fortunately, the boys seemed to find this more entertaining than annoying, and Marty crowed obnoxiously the first time he beat him. It didn’t take long for Cyrus to realise he was actually having fun. Usually losing on repeat and having other boys laugh at him was the stuff of nightmares, but this version of it felt more like a show of camaraderie than malice.

After a while, they switched over to the Wii by TJ’s request. He said that beating Cyrus on Rainbow Road was now a matter of pride. Marty and Walker switched places with them, allowing Cyrus to sink back into a bean bag in a way that he was sure he’d never escape it. They cheered loudly throughout the races, egging Cyrus on while TJ complained about favouritism.

Cyrus won. He was only a little bit smug about it.

After a while, he and TJ pulled back to hang out by the desk and talk about the documentary while the others continued on the Xbox. They got a good amount of work done, actually. Cyrus made a list of the places and stories from around Shadyside that he wanted to explore, and TJ had a surprising amount of insight into the folklore of the area. He’d clearly done his research. It was exciting knowing that they would soon be able to go exploring places with a camera… Cyrus tried to convince himself that this was because he’d wanted to make the documentary forever and not because it gave him the opportunity to spend extended amounts of time alone with TJ. He almost succeeded. Almost. Eventually, though, they got distracted from their work by Marty.

“So, Cyrus…” He said, raising his voice but not taking his eyes off from where he was decimating Walker’s character on screen. “You think maybe your friends would wanna get ice cream with us later?”

Lester sighed and threw a knowing look at Cyrus. “He means d’you think Buffy would?”

“I did not!” Marty objected, voice going slightly higher than he had probably intended. “I just think it would be nice to get to know the rest of your friends, Cy.”

Cyrus and TJ exchanged looks of amusement, and he forced himself to hold back a grin as he replied to Marty. “Sure, Buffy loves ice cream.”

“That’s not- I really did mean all of your friends.”

“This is just sad. Stop trying to use Cyrus,” TJ teased. “He’s got better things to do than hook you up with your crush when you could talk to her yourself.”

“It’s not a crush!” Marty insisted. “It’s a healthy appreciation of a fellow teammate who I just so happen to have a lot of banter with.”

“Banter? You mean flirting.”

“It’s not flirting!”

“He’s right,” Walker said. “It’s more him embarrassing himself than flirting.”

“I don’t embarrass myself,” Marty said with an indignant look on his face.

“When you first met her you got so flustered you told her you once ate a live frog.”

“Wait,” Said Cyrus. “That was _you?_ Oh my God, she told us about that.”

They all laughed as Marty went bright red and tried to splutter out a defence. In the end, he gave up and decided to give Walker a noogie instead, a plight which quickly turned into a wrestling match on the floor. Cyrus just laughed and pulled out his phone to text the group chat.

 

 

 

 

 

> **Cy-Guy:**
> 
> _TJ’s friends want to know if you guys want to hang out later._
> 
> **The Slayer:**
> 
> _Really? Where?_

 

“Why is your chat called _‘The Good Hair Crew plus Jonah’_?” TJ asked, peering over Cyrus’ shoulder.

“Because of these luscious locks,” Cyrus said, pushing a hand through his hair dramatically. “And Jonah’s there too. Where are we going for ice cream?”

TJ laughed. “Monty’s Diner. It’s down by the arcade, they do really good floats.”

Cyrus relayed the message and watched the “several people are typing…” message appear at the bottom of the chat.

 

 

 

 

 

> **Frisbee Boy:**
> 
> _👍👍_
> 
> **Andiman:**
> 
> _Sounds good. Can I bring Amber?_
> 
> **Cy-Guy:**
> 
> _Of course!!_
> 
> **The Slayer:**
> 
> _Is Marty going?_
> 
> **Cy-Guy:**
> 
> _Maybe 👀_

 

“Buffy just asked if Marty’s going later,” Cyrus said aloud.

“Really?” Marty’s face lit up and he abandoned his efforts to mush Walker’s face into the floor. “What’d she say?”

“She said ‘Is Marty going?’”

“Wow,” Said Walker, dryly. “Sounds like she’s just about ready to propose marriage to you, Marts.”

And with that, Marty returned to the wrestling match.

 

*******

 

They met Cyrus’ friends at _Monty’s_ for dinner. The diner was a cute retro-styled place with purple booths and walls. It smelled like fries and the linoleum floors were kind of sticky, but the overall effect was rather charming. TJ and his friends were obviously regulars, as the hostess greeted them with the same fond sort of smile that Mrs Kippen had had on her face when they arrived at the house earlier. Andi and Jonah looked just as bemused as Cyrus did to be involved in such a strange mix of people, but neither of them looked too mad about it.

Getting everyone around one booth in the diner was absolute mayhem. It involved a lot of yelling, laughter and the stealing of chairs from other tables. Marty looked absolutely thrilled when Buffy chose to sat next to him, and then immediately relaunched what appeared to be an ongoing argument they’d been having about race times. No sooner had everyone settled than TJ was hopping up again, climbing across Marty and Walker to get out of the booth. Cyrus watched as he headed across the floor and stopped at the jukebox. It was a janky old thing, half the lights on it gone, but as TJ thumped the sides lightly twice it started up properly.

Walker tapped Marty. “Bet he goes for _Somebody To Love._ ”

“No way,” Marty shook his head. “It's a _Radio Gaga_ kind of night.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Buffy interjected, curious.

“TJ always puts Queen on the jukebox,” Marty explained. “It's like an addiction. Seriously, I think he has a problem.”

“He was listening to them the other day in the car,” Cyrus realised out loud. “He played _Don't Stop Me Now_ so loud I thought my eardrums would burst.”

The others laughed. Good natured smiles flitted around as more of the group placed their bets on which song TJ would choose. Cyrus figured at this rate they’d end up listing the entirety of Queen’s discography if they didn’t stop soon.

“Sometimes he goes for ABBA,” Lester said.

“Only when he's sad, though,” Walker mused. “Or super drunk. Drunk TJ  _loves_ ABBA. _”_

“That was too much information,” Buffy groaned. “Why do you even know that?”

The conversation was soon interrupted by the jukebox bursting to life. The opening bass to _Another One Bites The Dust_ filled the diner. The effect was instantaneous, patrons at other tables perked up in recognition and several of the servers began to bop their heads to the rhythm as they worked. It was like a little bit of musical magic. One song and it had brightened everyone’s evenings.

“You're so predictable,” Marty said to TJ as he slid back into place between Walker and Cyrus.

“It was either this or country music,” TJ shot back. “I could go back and change it. Your choice.”

Cyrus chuckled as he listened to Marty go on razzing TJ about his music taste. Walker handed him a menu, telling him about the time TJ had played one specific Josh Turner song on repeat for a week a Marty had ended up refusing to ride to school with them until he took it off the playlist. This prompted Buffy to hop into the conversation, making Walker snort with laughter as she told him about Jonah’s first time learning to play the guitar and how he played Wonderwall over and over until they all thought Andi might actually smash the instrument to get him to stop.

It was nice watching everybody interact. Cyrus had the warm comfortable feeling in his chest of him that came from being surrounded by people he cared about. Maybe his mom was right - making new friends could be really good sometimes. The warm feeling spread throughout his body as TJ slipped an arm across the back of the booth behind Cyrus’ head, and they smiled at each other. For a small moment, it felt like they were in their own private world and Cyrus’ was once again struck by how green TJ’s eyes were and how soft his lips look. He wondered if there was an alternate universe somewhere out there where there was a version of himself brave enough to lean in and kiss TJ. He wished that this were that universe. Immediately he began to mentally scold himself. He was meant to be getting over this crush, Goddamnit!

“Oh man, those ice creams are huge,” Buffy said, her voice interrupting Cyrus’ train of thought. He turned to see what she was looking at. The next table over had just been served sundaes the size of their heads. “I’ll never be able to finish one of those.”

“Maybe we could share one,” Marty suggested quickly. “That’s how we usually finish them here.”

“You guys come here a lot then, I take it?” Andi asked.

“Mostly after games,” Walker said. “We’ve tried inviting Buffy a few times but she’s really determined not to know us.”

They all laughed while Buffy rolled her eyes. In truth, they all knew she was both incredibly fond and incredibly protective of her teammates, but she wasn’t very good at spending time with them off the court.

“Just because I’m more focused on the actual games than plans for _after_ the games…” She started. “Maybe we’d win more often if you guys thought less about ice cream, just sayin’.”

“You might have a point,” Walker grinned.

Lester laughed and turned a teasing look at TJ. “We’ll be winning a lot less if TJ doesn’t suck it up and get better a math though. It’s harder to be good when you don’t have a Captain.”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked.

“Coach Rez says TJ might get benched if he doesn’t pull his grades up,” Walker explained.

“Hey,” TJ frowned. “I’m doing my best. It’s not my fault Coach is all up in my face about grades. What does math have to do with playing basketball anyway?”

Cyrus looked at Buffy, an idea springing to mind. She made eye contact, her expression suggesting she’d had the same thought but was a little more reluctant to share it than him, so he jumped into action before she could stop him.

“You know, Buffy’s really good at math,” he said. “Super good, actually. Maybe she could tutor you?”

Everybody looked at her. She sighed.

“Could you?” TJ asked, a hopeful look on his face. “I’d owe you big time.”

“I guess… but you really would owe me,” she said.

“Name your price.”

She thought about it for a moment, then brightened. Her smile was devious and it gave Cyrus a strange sinking feeling.

“You know basically everyone at school, right?”

“Right.”

“You have to help us find someone.”

Oh no.

“Who?”

“Cyrus has been getting notes from a secret admirer,” she grinned.

A chorus of ‘oohs’ and titters swept across their table. Cyrus groaned and buried his face in his hands. He did not need all this attention right now.

“Buffy, why?” His complaint came out muffled and she ignored him.

“Can we read them?” Lester asked. “Do you still have them?”

“He has all of them saved in a little box,” Jonah piped up.

“That’s so cute! You really have no idea who they’re from?”

“No clue. So will you help us find out who it is?” Buffy asked TJ.

Cyrus looked up. TJ’s face had gone strangely blank and he couldn’t work out why. Marty looked like he was about ten seconds away from busting out into howls of laughter for reasons unknown. Walker nudged him unsubtly with his elbow and shot him a strange look. Cyrus frowned in confusion.

“Sure,” TJ said, finally. “I can help with that.”

“Awesome,” Buffy said and leaned over to shake his hand. “It’s a deal.”

“Right, now that’s settled can we get food?” Walker asked. “I’m seriously starving.”

Later, after TJ had dropped him off home feeling so full of fries and ice cream that he might explode, Cyrus flopped on to the bed. He wasn’t sure how to feel about TJ agreeing to help hunt down the secret admirer. It seemed like they were two things that should be kept separate; the well-known person he was trying not to crush on and the unknown person who was crushing on him. He pulled a pillow to his face and groaned into it. Feelings were stupid.

In his pocket, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out. It was a tweet from TJ’s account - Cyrus had set it to give him notifications. He told himself that it wasn’t weird. He just liked seeing what TJ had to say about the world around him.

It was a meme.

 

 

 

 

> **_Google: ‘_ ** _listening to my friends’_
> 
> **_Did you mean_ ** _: ‘a bad idea’_

Cyrus smiled to himself and clicked the direct message icon, quickly tapping out a couple of sentences before he lost his nerve and hitting send.

 

 

 

 

> **cy_goodhair:**
> 
> _I had fun tonight, thanks for inviting me._

Anxiety twisted in his gut as he awaited a response, and luckily TJ replied only a few moments later.

 

 

 

 

> **bballtj:**
> 
> _np!! I had fun too. We should do it more often._
> 
> _Marty obvs had a really good time too 😂😂😂_

> **cy_goodhair:**
> 
> _lmao, do you think he’ll ever actually ask buffy out?_
> 
> **bballtj:**
> 
> _i hope so. does she like him too?_

That launched them into a long discussion about the complexity that was understanding Buffy Driscoll and her emotions. Eventually, though, Cyrus could no longer stop himself from yawning so he told TJ goodnight and signed off. It was as he was plugging his phone in that he noticed it and, upon inspection, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before. There was part of a Post-It note stuck to the back of his phone, and across it was a familiar scribble.

**_‘I wish I could kiss you.’_ **

  



	4. Four

After the first time, Cyrus never expected to see TJ in film club again. Once again, TJ managed to take him by surprise by showing up to the next several meetings. At first, Cyrus thought maybe he was doing it out obligation but after a while, he realised that TJ was actually enjoying himself. He contributed to discussions with a vibrant enthusiasm that made it hard not to stare, had an endless stream of recommendations for his favourite movies and had slowly started making his way through a list of titles that Iris and Gus had told him were ‘must sees’. Cyrus really needed to stop underestimating him so much. TJ’s presence in the club made afternoons that he looked forward to already all the more pleasant. Thursdays now brought on a buzz of excitement in Cyrus and on them he inevitably found himself watching the clock tick slowly closer to the end of last period.

It was on one such afternoon, a few weeks after TJ had first shown up to the club, that he showed up with a look of absolutely unbridled glee on his face. He took his usual seat next to Cyrus and rummaged through his bag for a moment, then without saying anything he pulled out a piece of paper and slid across the table.

“Look at this!”

“Well hello to you too,” Cyrus said, smiling in amusement. He peered down at the sheet before him. It took a moment for him to actually register what he was seeing and then a bubble of pride began to well up inside of him. It was a math test and on the front, in a large red circle, it had been marked with a C+.

“Oh my gosh, TJ! You passed! That’s awesome,” Cyrus was genuinely delighted for him. They high fived and Cyrus tried not to focus too much on how cute it was the way TJ beamed, proud and delighted all at once. “Buffy’s tutoring is really paying off then, huh?”

“Yeah. She’s a really good teacher. We didn’t really see eye to eye at first but, uh, we figured it out eventually. She thinks I might have this thing… dyscalculia? She helped me talk to Coach Rez about it and he’s going to see what he can do to get me some learning support. All this time I thought I was just stupid, but… maybe I’m not?” Then he grimaced. “I don’t really like the idea of having a learning disability though. I wish my brain would just work right in the first place.”

Cyrus frowned at him. “Of course you’re not. There’s nothing wrong with your brain. It’s just a little different and that’s not a bad thing. You just need to believe in yourself a little more and ask for help when you’re struggling. It’s totally okay not to understand things… you’ll get there with it eventually. Everybody goes at different speeds. Everyone’s wired differently.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Thanks, Cyrus,” TJ said softly, giving him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “You always know what to say.”

The look he was giving him did something funny to Cyrus’ insides and he figured it was best to change the topic quickly before he did something embarrassing. So, instead of responding, he ducked down to grab his bag and rummage through it for a moment, then pulled out the binder he’d made for their documentary plans. TJ’s eye widened when he saw it; Cyrus had to admit he’d gotten a little carried away, the binder was thick as a brick.

“So I thought we could start filming this weekend,” he said. “If you’re free?”

 

*******

 

The weekend began with Cyrus walking over to TJ’s house in a bleary-eyed haze. He wasn’t allowed coffee at home, so he’d ducked into The Spoon on the way there to grab some to go, but it had yet to wake him up properly. Nerves wracked through him as he lifted his hand to knock; it didn’t matter that he’d been over to the Kippens with TJ and his friends a few times now, for some reason he was still concerned about making a good impression. There was a small part of his mind that worried about Mr and Mrs Kippen thinking he was a delinquent. Maybe they’d decide Cyrus wasn’t the kind of person they wanted their son hanging out with or maybe TJ would decide Cyrus was too embarrassing to have around his family and end their friendship. These thoughts continued to spiral until he heard footsteps thumping down the hall towards him.

It was TJ swung open the front door and immediately lit up the morning with his smile. The only thing Cyrus could think at that moment was that it was far too early for him to have to combat all the squishy feelings that came with seeing TJ’s goofy grin, especially when TJ looked as soft as he did in the doorway. He was dressed in a way that Cyrus had never seen at school; red plaid shirt, ripped fade jeans, black tee and a red bandana tied around his head. He should’ve looked ridiculous, like those boys who went to music festivals and spent all weekend yelling nonsense at one another from across a field but instead he just looked… comfortable.

“G’morning,” he greeted Cyrus warmly. “Want a yoghurt?”

He waved his open yoghurt pot under Cyrus’ nose exuberantly. Before Cyrus could even return the greeting, TJ was taking his hand and pulling him into the house chattering about different brands of yoghurt as they went. Yes, Cyrus thought to himself, it was _definitely_ too early for this.

“I’m good thanks,” he replied, bemused. “I already ate.”

He hadn’t, but he didn’t want to tell TJ that his stomach and yoghurt didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

“Good, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Gotta keep your energy up.” TJ tugged him all the way into the kitchen before letting go and tugging him forward. “Mom, you remember Cyrus.”

Mrs Kippen (Grace, she’d asked him to call her Grace, Cyrus reminded himself) turned from where she was drying dishes at the sink with a smile that matched her son’s perfectly. Both Kippens were far too awake and alert for this time of day, Cyrus wasn’t sure whether to envy them or not. He was still half asleep and trying to regain use of his brain.

“Good morning, Cyrus,” she smiled, and then her eyes narrowed in on the yoghurt in TJ’s hand and she sighed. “Theodore James, you’d better be eating something more than that before you go out. One yoghurt is not a nutritionally sound breakfast.”

“Theodore?” Cyrus grinned.

“ _Mom_ ,” TJ whined.

“I don’t understand how you have the appetite of a garbage truck most of the time, but that’s all you’ll eat in the morning. Cyrus, he goes through more yoghurts than I can keep up with. If we ever go bankrupt, you’ll know why,” she rolled her eyes fondly and pulled a pan out of a cupboard. “I’ll make pancakes. Cyrus would you like some, dear? Have you eaten yet?”

“Oh, I’m fine Grace. Please don’t trouble yourself-” he started and then was cut off by his own stomach’s traitorous rumble. It had heard the word ‘pancakes’ and come to life.

Mrs Kippen looked at him, unimpressed. “I’m making pancakes. Sit down.”

TJ leaned in conspiratorially as they sat at the island together. “Don’t worry, it was never really a question. She was gonna make sure you were fed whether you liked it or not,” he whispered.

“My ears are not broken, TJ. I can hear you perfectly fine,” she turned to them with a raised eyebrows. “You’re growing boys. You need to eat. Cyrus, would you like something to drink? We have orange juice, water, milk, the works?”

Cyrus lifted his to-go cup. “I’m all set, thank you.”

Mrs Kippen smiled and turned back to her cooking. Cyrus was going to have to hope that she and his mom never met. The two of them would probably take over the world if they became friends. He said as much to TJ later, when they were leaving the house, delighting in the way it made the other boy laugh so loud it startled the birds in the front yard’s tree into flying away all at once.

“So where to first?” TJ asked as they climbed into the car.

“Uh…” Cyrus pulled up the notes he’d written to himself on his phone. He had a list of people he wanted to focus on around Shadyside and a separate list for those he’d already contacted and had agreed to be interviewed. People were more willing to take part than he’d expected, but then again not much happened around town so it was probably more to do with having something to do than because they felt like helping him out. “Okay, so today I’ve scheduled three interviews. First stop is Old Man Aberman over on Cordello Drive, then it’s Fred - the manager of the convenience store on Main Street - and last but not least we’ve got the lady who feeds the ducks down at the park. I don’t know her name… she wouldn’t tell me when I asked? Said something about government spies and wires? So I guess she’ll just be credited as Duck Lady.”

TJ shot him an impressed look as he strapped in his seatbelt. “You’re so prepared.”

“Gotta be,” Cyrus grinned. “If we wanna get this done by the deadline we can’t lose any time to running around like headless chickens… plus I’ve been planning this for like four years in my head.”

“It’s gonna be so awesome. You wanna connect your phone to the Bluetooth?”

“What- oh, uh sure, but I don’t think I have any 70s music on my phone.”

TJ huffed out a quiet laugh and started the car. “It’s fine, contrary to popular belief that’s not all I listen to.”

“Yeah? What other music do you like?”

“My Chemical Romance’s stuff is pretty good.”

Cyrus’ grin widened. His head had suddenly filled with visions of a stroppy fourteen-year-old TJ moping around in band tees and Doc Martens, complaining about how the world was terrible. It probably hadn’t happened, but the mental image was amusing all the same. “You’re totally a secret emo kid,” he joked.

“And what about it?” TJ was busy checking his mirrors as he pulled out of the drive but he had a cheerful smile on his face and Cyrus got the impression that he was trying not to laugh.

“Well, I don’t have any My Chemical Romance, but I do have Fall Out Boy? Is that good enough?”

“Hm… I guess that’ll do.”

Cyrus tried not to giggle at the faux-disappointment in TJ’s tone as he set up the music. Today was going to be fun, he just knew it. He was starting to think it wasn’t possible to have a bad time when TJ was involved. They always ended up goofing around and Cyrus couldn’t remember that ever be so easy with anybody as it was with TJ (other than with Buffy and Andi of course). He wondered if it would continue once the documentary project was over… if TJ thought of him as a friend.

  


*******

  


Old Man Aberman was somewhat of a legend around Shadyside. All he did all day was sit on his porch and offer people fresh lemonade in the grumpiest manner one could possibly use while offering complete strangers refreshment. He was a veteran of the Vietnam war and incredibly bitter about it - he hated the government and had a long-standing resentment directed toward authority. Sometimes he actually reminded Cyrus a bit of Buffy and TJ, in the way that he had little time for anyone who dared to patronise him and a stubborn streak that stretched a mile wide. Aberman had managed to become just about the most interesting man in town over the years and Cyrus often walked by his house just so he could stop by and listen to the man tell stories about his life. He herded Cyrus and TJ out to the table on his front porch when they arrived on his doorstep and set down his famous lemonade with a look that suggested they’d drink it if they knew what was good for them. TJ looked absolutely delighted by this.

It didn’t take them long to set up the camera and microphone. Cyrus was nonplussed at how easily TJ handled the equipment.

The surprise must have shown on his face because TJ looked at him sheepishly. “I read the manuals like… three times,” he admitted quietly. “I didn’t want to mess it up.”

Old Man Aberman settled himself in the chair across from them and stared them down. His eyes pierced through both of them as if he could tell their past, present and future in just one glance. It was awesome.

“So whatdaya wanna know?” He asked gruffly.

“Could you talk to us about Shadyside… like how you came to be here and what your life’s been like here?” Cyrus asked politely.

Aberman gave them both a considering look, face softening slightly as he leaned back in thought, and folded his hands together before answering.

“I came here in nineteen seventy-eight,” he began. “When I was twenty-nine years old.”

They listened as he sat and span a tale of a young man, traumatised by war, who met a beautiful woman in the city the same year he came back from Vietnam. He told them how he’d first met her at the theatre, she was managing the coat room at the time and he had fallen in love on the spot. It was the sort of story that Cyrus wouldn’t have expected from a man of Aberman’s stature and the obvious adoration on his face as he talked about his sweetheart was a striking contrast to the harsh look of bitterness he usually wore. He continued to tell them of how he and the girl had been together, crazy about one another, until her father arranged for her to be married to another man.

“Cynthia was her name, she was from a wealthy family,” Aberman said. “Y’know, the real high society snobby kind that didn’t approve of men like me dating their daughters. They thought I was below them. She’d been working at the theatre to try and prove a point… be more independent. I guess her father felt she needed to be controlled.”

As it turned out, she had been too scared of the uncertainty a future with Aberman brought and to disobey her father. It had resulted in her marrying the guy her father approved of and Aberman moving to Shadyside alone.

“We’d had a whole life planned together… we was gonna move to the first town we saw on the map and raise a bunch ‘a kids. That was here, that was. She picked it out… threw a dart at it actually. She was really something special,” he sighed. “‘Course I don’t blame her for leaving, not really. I was a deadbeat… had no money, nothing to my name except nightmares. She deserved someone who could provide for her.”

“I’m sure she loved you very much,” Cyrus said, trying to sound comforting rather than pitying, and less like he himself was going to cry. TJ knocked their knees together in a deliberate acknowledgement of this and Cyrus instantly felt a little better.

“Did you ever hear from her again after she left?” TJ asked curiously.

“Once or twice. She wrote me… never called. I think she thought pen and paper was more romantic. I’ve still got the letters if you’d like to see ‘em.”

“That would be awesome,” Cyrus said, honestly.

It didn’t take Aberman long to retrieve the letters from the house and as they poured over them he took it upon himself to impart some wisdom.

“My advice to you boys,” he said sternly. “Is to never stop fighting for the ones you love. You find someone that makes you feel like nothing in the world could ever be bad again? Then don’t give ‘em any reason to leave. Be there… or you might end up livin’ out half a dream like me.”

They left a few hours later, having to excuse themselves in order to make it on time to interview Fred at the convenience store. Old Man Aberman almost looked sad to see them go and Cyrus wished they could stay for longer. Maybe he’d come back for more stories soon.

The interview with Fred was a lot shorter but no less interesting. He didn’t talk so much about himself or his own life, but he did enthuse at great lengths about the legendary cryptid that was supposed to lurk in the woods nearby. From the sounds of it, the creature was supposed to be some kind of mutant blend of the Jersey Devil and Mothman, a fact which TJ seemed to find endlessly hilarious and had forced him to keep ducking away to laugh where Fred couldn’t see him. The creature would harass unsuspecting locals on summer evenings by stealing anything they wore made of metal. Cyrus made a mental note to visit the woods and look for the nest of stolen trinkets that was meant to exist there. He was sure _that_ trip would be quite the adventure and he looked forward to hearing TJ lose his mind over it.

Their final interview, however, which was set to take place at the duck pond, managed to reveal a charming piece of Shadyside’s character that Cyrus never would’ve expected to find. They settled on a park bench with Duck Lady. Cyrus was glad it was a nice day out. He probably still would have done the interview if it was raining because Duck Lady would have expected him to and he was not one to disappoint her, but the warmth of the sun made everything so much easier.

After she had given her usual spiel about not feeding the ducks bread because it was bad for them (with TJ listening intently as if he were at a religious service), then handed them both a small bag of seeds so that they could feed them with her, she began reminiscing about the days of her youth. Duck Lady, it seemed, had existed in Shadyside for far longer than Cyrus had realised. She spoke of when the town was much smaller with only one convenience store and nothing but fields for miles around. She talked about playing in the woods with her friends and swimming in the lake during the summer. Then, she mentioned something that made both boys lean forward with curiosity.

“We used to draw up little treasure maps,” she remembered dreamily. “They led all around town and through the woods. There was one down by the little jetty on the lake and another to the wishing well… I think I must still have them somewhere. I still remember the routes.”

“Wishing well?” TJ echoed. “There’s a wishing well in Shadyside?”

She nodded. “Of course we weren’t supposed to go near it. Our parents thought it was dangerous, but you know how kids are. Can’t resist an adventure. We used to spend entire afternoons down there throwing pennies in and wishing for all our dreams to come true… climbing trees… playing in the creek nearby…” her words drifted off as she got lost in the memory.

TJ and Cyrus looked at one another. They’d struck gold. A secret place no one else knew about? Or at least, Cyrus assumed no one else really knew about. He was certain they’d have heard about it before now if kids their age in town had found it at the very least.

“I could tell you where to find it,” Duck Lady said suddenly. “Somebody should pay it a visit. It’s been a very long time.”

Cyrus nodded eagerly, shaking the camera as he did so. “Yes please.”

“Alright, do you have some paper?”

 

*******

 

It was a good thing that TJ could read maps because it turned out not to be Cyrus’ greatest talent in the world. It didn’t help that Duck Lady’s map was particularly crude and they had to stop a few times to make sure they were in the right place. Even in the daylight, the trees had an eerie feeling to them and Cyrus kept jumping at random noises made by birds and squirrels. It was possible that he wasn’t meant to be out in nature.

“I am not wearing the right pants for this,” he complained as they trudged through the woods, pushing overgrown bits of undergrowth out the way and occasionally slipping on loose rocks. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m not made for adventures. I’m too fragile. I mean… look at this hair. Does this hair look like it should be in the woods right now? Also, there could be axe murderers out here. There’s a reason so many horror movies are set in the woods.”

TJ’s shoulders shook and it took Cyrus a moment to realise that he was laughing. He looked back at him from where he led and held out a hand. “C’mon, Underdog. You’ll be fine. I’ll protect you.”

“Underdog?” Cyrus asked, taking his hand. “Why Underdog?”

“Just suits you. I feel like you underestimate yourself a lot. You need to believe in yourself a little more.”

Recognising his own words, Cyrus smiled. TJ was right. He probably owed it to himself to have more faith in his own actions. TJ’s hand was warm in his. Cyrus didn’t ever want to let go.

“I don’t think we have much further to go anyway,” TJ said. “I can hear water. She said it was by the creek right?” He was right. The sound of trickling water grew louder as they continued on. Eventually, the trees began to thin out and they arrived in a small clearing. It was beautiful. A bubbling creek ran down the edge of it, water flowing smooth and clear over mossy flat stones.  Long grass up to their shins fluttered gently in the breeze. Fallen leaves still scattered the ground, spring not quite having reached them yet, but the evergreen trees stood tall and proud around them.

The wishing well was there too. It stood, ancient and crumbling, a circle of stones with a decaying wooden roof that looked like it had been patched up several times over the years by careful hands. There was something a little bit magical about it. The whole clearing had the feeling of existing in its own universe as if TJ and Cyrus couldn’t be touched by anything from the outside world while they were there.

“Wow,” Cyrus breathed as they took it all in.

“I’m not gonna lie to you,” TJ replied quietly, as if trying not to disturb the peacefulness of it all, sounding just as awed as Cyrus was. “I kinda thought she was making it up.”

Cyrus would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t also had his doubts. He stumbled towards the wishing well, unsure of whether it was a good idea to touch it or not. Both of them peered into it. Water glimmered deep below.

“I wonder how long this has been here,” said TJ.

“Who knows?”

“Do you think many people know about it?”

“Well, Duck Lady-”

“Judy.”

“What?”

TJ grinned. “Her name’s Judy Sikowitz.”

Cyrus stared at him aghast. “How did you find that out?”

“I asked her when you were packing up the stuff.”

“I’ve asked her a bunch of times! She always refused to tell me!”

“I guess I look more trustworthy than you,” TJ teased. “Maybe she thinks you’re a government spy in disguise. Maybe you _are._ ”

“Shut up,” Cyrus shoved at him playfully. “You and I both know I like talking way too much to ever be a spy for anyone. I’m terrible at secrets.”

“I bet you could keep a secret if you really tried.”

“Only if it was really important.”

“Government secrets aren’t important?”

“It depends on the government.”

TJ snorted. “Okay. What were you saying about Judy?”

“Oh, right!” Cyrus looked back at the well. “Well _Judy_ implied that a few of the kids in town knew it was here in the sixties, and my mom says a lot of the people who still live here grew up here too, so the adults must know about it? I guess they didn’t tell us about it because they figured it was dangerous.”

“Mm, wouldn’t want anybody falling in it,” TJ agreed. “Still… it’s pretty cool. I’m glad she told us about it… actually, I’m kinda glad our friends don’t know about it.

“How come?”

TJ grinned. “‘Cause this can be our place now,” he said.

He really needed to stop saying things like that before he actually killed Cyrus dead.

“Our place?”

“Yeah, like somewhere we can hang out just us. You wanna make a wish?” He gestured towards the well.

“I don’t have any coins.”

TJ dug through his pockets for a moment then pulled out some pennies. He handed one to Cyrus with a smile.

“On three?”

Cyrus smiled and nodded.

“One… two… three!”

The two of them closed their eyes and tossed their pennies into the well at the same time. Having not taken the time to really think about what he wanted, Cyrus found himself suddenly unsure of what to wish for. A thousand thoughts flooded into his mind at once. He could wish for anything, anything at all, but all he could focus on was the boy stood beside him making his own silent wish.

It was when they opened their eyes that Cyrus spotted the swings. He couldn’t believe that neither of them had noticed them before. They hung at the edge of the clearing, not far from the bank of the creek, a pair of them. Crudely made rope and wood, but somehow still sturdy. A look of childish delight came over TJ’s face when Cyrus pointed them out and they headed over to sit on them immediately.

Sitting on the swings gave them a full view of the clearing. It was the kind of place you’d expected to find in a storybook book or painting. Cyrus never would’ve imagined such a thing to exist in Shadyside. Suddenly he was glad too that, as TJ had said, that it appeared no one they knew had any idea it was here. For a brief moment, he let down his guard and let himself pretend that he and TJ were there on a date. It was certainly the perfect setting for romance. They could bring a picnic here and paddle in the creek, or come set with blankets and a telescope at night and look to the stars above them. However, he didn’t allow himself to dwell on such thoughts for long. It wasn’t a good idea. It made his heart too full and it hurt knowing he could never have that.

“You know, small-town life is a lot more interesting than I realised,” Mused TJ as they swayed gently back and forth. “I know I’ve lived here my whole life but I always kinda thought of Shadyside as a place you either just pass through or aim to leave. Our town has character.”

Cyrus smiled at his feet as he dragged them along the ground. “That’s why I want to make this documentary. I want to show people the real Shadyside. When I was little I always felt like we were in the most amazing place on earth, but no one else really agreed,” he laughed slightly. "I miss being a little kid. I used to be able to find an adventure in anything. Now I’m just too scared to do stuff.”

“Today was an adventure,” TJ said, reaching his feet out to kick at Cyrus’. “I had fun. I learned new stuff. I think everyone’s really gonna like this movie… I can’t believe we didn’t know about the cryptid before. Or this place.”

“Aberman’s story was a new one too,” Cyrus said. “He’s told me a lot of stories, but he’s never talked about Cynthia before. That was cool.”

“Kinda sad that they didn’t get their happy ending though.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes just listening to the sound of the breeze rustling through the trees around them and the birds singing. It was so peaceful, but thoughts of Old Man Aberman and his lost love tinged the atmosphere with a bittersweet melancholy feeling.

“You ever wonder what it must be like to fall in love like that?” TJ asked suddenly.

Cyrus looked at him. A knot in his chest told him he already knew the answer but he wasn’t even ready to admit it to himself, let alone out loud to TJ.

“I guess we’ll find out someday, right?”

TJ nodded and looked away. “Can I tell you something? A secret?

“It’s not a government secret is it?”

He laughed slightly. “No, it’s not a government secret. It’s a me-secret.”

“Of course you can.”

“And you won’t tell anyone?”

Cyrus shook his head. “Cross my heart. A you-secret is an important secret.”

“Okay,” TJ took a deep breath. “Sometimes I’m worried that I’ll never get the chance to have a relationship.”

The admittance hung in the air for a moment. Cyrus didn’t know how to process that. Out of everybody he knew, TJ was the most confident. He was a burning flame that stood out in the dark. People were drawn to him; he was so easily loved even when he was in a bad mood and pushed others away. He didn’t ever need to worry about not finding somebody, yet… here he was. Worrying about just that.

“What do you mean?”

“You ever fall for somebody so hard you’re worried you’re never going to fall for anyone else? Somebody you can’t have, I mean,” he sighed.

Cyrus looked at him. The way the sun shone behind him light up his silhouette and made it look like he had a halo. “Yeah, I know the feeling,” he admitted. “But we’re teenagers, right? We feel everything so strongly at the moment because it’s the first ever time we’ve felt this stuff. I think we get more than one chance.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “...Can I ask who it is?”

“Hm?”

“The person that you’ve fallen for,” he clarified. He didn’t know why he was asking. The answer was just going to hurt and he knew. There was a dangerous part of his brain whispering hopefully that maybe it was him. Maybe TJ had fallen for him. God, he so needed to get over this crush already.

TJ smiled slightly. “I don’t really wanna say if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” Cyrus said, trying to ignore the way his heart felt like there was a crack running through it.  “What makes you so sure you can’t have them?”

TJ shrugged. “I’m pretty sure they don’t feel the same way.”

Cyrus wanted to say ‘I have a hard time imagining that anyone wouldn’t fall in love with you’, but what came out instead was “Oh.”

TJ shrugged, a wistful look on his face, and he kicked at Cyrus’ feet again.

“Have you told them?”

“Sort of. Not directly.”

“How do you tell somebody you like them without actually saying it?”

He smiled slightly. “I have my ways.”

“Okay, mystery man,” Cyrus said, rolling his eyes and kicking back. “Maybe you should actually tell them. They might surprise you.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” his eyes flicked up to meet Cyrus’. “Anyway, let’s talk about something else. I didn’t mean to bring the mood down. Sorry for unloading on you like that.”

“Dont worry! You can tell me anything,” Cyrus said, hoping he didn't sound too eager. He flushed. “I mean… um. I’m always here to talk if you need to.”

Luckily, TJ didn’t notice the red hue of his cheeks and just grinned. “Thanks, Underdog. Same goes for you with me, okay? I’m always here to talk. Anyway… you looking forward to Valentine’s Day on Monday?”

Cyrus groaned. There was nothing worse than Valentine’s Day on a school day. Jefferson had a Valentine’s Day Tradition where people could send one another little heart-shaped messages. Every year it made the day absolute chaos. Teenagers and Valentine’s Day were a really terrible match. Cyrus had never received one. The truth was it was actually kind of cute to see how the Valentine’s Day messages made people so happy, but it was also a depressing reminder of his own single-status when he very much did not want to be single.

“Not a fan of V-day?” TJ teased.

“It’s not so much fun when you don’t have anybody to celebrate it with,” he said.

“We can be alone together,” TJ said. “You wanna go to The Spoon afterwards and get baby taters to drown our sorrows in?”

“Ha. Sounds good.”

For the first time in his life, Cyrus looked forward to Valentine’s Day. It was made even better on Monday when during first period he received an anonymous Valentine’s Day message. It read;

**_‘I dream of a happy ending with you.’_ **


	5. Five

As predicted, Valentine’s Day at Jefferson High was absolute pandemonium. When Cyrus arrived he saw at least three other students clutching gigantic teddy bears, obviously gifts from their significant others, before he even made it into the building. Inside was ridiculous. The halls were decked out with extravagant pink and red streamers. Bright balloons were tied up outside every door. It looked like Cupid had shown up and exploded everywhere. He didn’t even make it to his locker before he was accosted by Marty.

“C-Man, what’s up?!” He greeted him exuberantly, grabbing his hand and pulling him into one of those side hug greetings that Cyrus had seen the guys do with one another a million times before. He’d never expected to be on the receiving end of one… it was oddly nice.

“Please don’t call me C-Man,” he said in return. “That sounds too much like- y’know what? Never mind. What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” Marty trailed after him towards his locker. “Just taking in the general madness around us. V-day’s so weird man. Earlier I saw Stacy Mulligan and Brian Malone practically doing it by the bus stop - I didn’t even know they were together!”

He leaned against the lockers, rambling about more relationship gossip he’d heard as Cyrus struggled to open his locker. Without missing a beat, Marty hit the locker door firmly with his fist, and on the next tug, Cyrus managed to pull it open. He grinned in thanks while Marty continued his tale about Greta from homeroom asking one of the guys from the team out.

“You know I heard Milly Mitchel and Laurel Wakes got together last weekend,” he said, feeling he ought to contribute. Marty smiled wider and nodded.

“Like, it’s such a struggle man. On the one hand, I think Valentine’s Day is mostly just a lame excuse for companies to sell more shit, right? But on the other hand… it’d be nice to have someone to spend it with.”

Cyrus smiled as he pulled out his books. “Someone like Buffy?”

“Buffy? Pfft, of course not,” Said Marty, going beat-red. “Why would I care what Buffy’s doing for Valentine’s Day? I wouldn’t. Why? Did she ask about me? Does she have a date with someone else?”

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Cyrus said, amused. “I’m pretty sure she’d say yes.”

“Ha. Why would I ask out a girl I don’t even like?”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Marty sighed. “I know. But don’t tell the guys… they’ll laugh at me.”

“I’m pretty sure they already know.”

He shrugged. “Not the point. They don’t deserve the vindication. So what about you? What’re you doing for Valentine’s Day?”

He was so nonchalant with his words that for a moment Cyrus was almost fooled into not being suspicious, but there was something about Marty’s expression that told him he was up to something. He closed his locker and looked him in the eye.

“Why d’you ask?”

“No reason. Can’t a guy be curious about his friend’s love life?”

“He can, but not with that tone. What’re you up to?”

“I was just wondering if you’d tracked down your secret admirer yet. TJ’s meant to be helping you, right?”

“Under duress from Buffy, yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “And no we haven’t found out who it is yet. I don’t know if I even want to know.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know… I like the mystery.”

“Are you worried you’ll be disappointed?”

“I don’t know,” Cyrus lifted one shoulder in half a shrug. The truth was he had a hunch about who was responsible, but he didn’t want to be wrong. He was worried he was projecting his feelings for TJ onto unrelated things now. Getting his hopes up would be the worst thing he could do.

“Maybe they’ll reveal who they are today,” Marty suggested. “It’s the perfect opportunity. You think they’ll send you a love-note? They’ve got that delivery system set up.”

Cyrus decided it was time to change the subject. He was pretty sure Marty would be able to bug him about this for several full hours if he let him. “Maybe you should send one to Buffy.”

“That’s a terrible idea, she’d hate it.”

“She’d pretend to hate it. I think she’d actually be kind of flattered. You know you can send them anonymously, right? Maybe you should try compliments over insults for once.”

“She likes my witty banter.”

He smiled playfully. “It’s never as witty as you guys think it is.”

“Hey,” Marty whined with a laugh and a light punch to Cyrus’ shoulder. Then he looked up and nodded towards something behind him. “Oh look, your boy is here.”

He turned to see who he was looking at. It was TJ approaching. Cyrus’ had grown used to fond smiles and goofy waves when being spotted by him, but today TJ looked less chipper than usual and much more harassed than he’d ever seen him. When he reached them he just let out a loud groan and rested his forehead on one of the lockers beside them.

Marty laughed.

“You okay?” Cyrus asked, concerned.

“I hate Valentine’s Day,” he turned around and looked at them pitifully. “People should not be this awake so early in the morning.”

“That’s not very in the spirit of you, Teej,” teased Marty. “It’s Valentine’s Day! Bask in the love, man!”

“You just said Valentine’s Day is a lame excuse for commercialism,” Cyrus pointed out, bemused.

“Shh, he didn’t know that. Anyway, what’s up with you?” Marty kicked gently at TJ’s ankle. “You look like someone just tried to give you extra math homework.”

“Three girls stopped me on the way in to ask me out,” TJ said flatly.

A prickling sensation tickled the back of Cyrus’ neck. Despite the unimpressed tone TJ had used, he was worried that he was about to tell them he’d accepted one of those dates. He didn’t know what he’d do if he had to listen to him talk about dating somebody else.

“Only you would be bummed about that,” Marty sighed. “God, even the gays get more girls than me. How depressing is that?”

Cyrus’ heart stopped for a moment. ‘Gays’?

“Gays?” He said out loud in surprise, quite by accident.

Both TJ and Marty stared at him as if he was missing something quite obvious.

“...Yeah? I’m… gay,” TJ said slowly. “You knew that.”

“I most certainly did not!”

Marty snorted. “What you mean you didn’t guess? You’ve met him, right? He openly thirsts over Roger Taylor on a regular basis. Why do you think he listens to Queen so mu- ow!”

TJ elbowed him. Cyrus stared at them both. How had they gone this long without this topic coming up before? They’d been hanging out on a regular basis for weeks now.

“You really didn’t know?” TJ asked, incredulous.

“I really didn’t know.”

“This explains so much,” Marty said, earning himself another elbow to the ribs.

“Don’t you have a class to get to?” TJ asked him, raising his eyebrows pointedly.

“Not for another-”

“Marty.”

“Fine, fine, I’m going,” he sighed. He clapped them both on the shoulder as he went. “See ya later then.”

They watched him walk away into the sea of excitable students. Down the hall, Cyrus watched as a girl exchanged cards with her boyfriend looking extremely pleased. A pang of jealousy struck him. Marty was right it would be nice to spend the day with someone. That reminded him. He turned to look at TJ again, only to find him already looking back. He was clearly thinking the same thing because he beat Cyrus to what he was going to say.

“We still on for The Spoon later?” He asked. There was a tinge of nervousness to his voice as if he thought Cyrus might have suddenly changed his mind and decided he had better things to do than hang out with him. That was ridiculous. He’d been looking forward to it all weekend.

“Of course,” he said. “We can fill our lonely hearts with baby taters.”

The trademark fond smile finally returned to TJ’s face and Cyrus could feel himself light up in response.

When the two of them parted ways to head to class, Cyrus felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He opened it to see a Twitter notification - he had TJ’s account on alert. The tweet read:

> _Siri, is it possible for me to talk in front of my crush without looking like an idiot?_  

Cyrus’ heart flipped in a funny sort of way and he switched his phone to silent, shoving it as deep into his pocket as it would.

 

*******

 

The day continued on and remained mostly uneventful until Cyrus’ last class. He was focused on trying not to fall asleep in English when the door burst open halfway through and Gus appeared fidgeting awkwardly in the doorway and pushing at his glasses. In one hand he clutched a wicker basket filled with folded pink paper hearts. Obviously, he was spending his free period playing delivery boy.

“Uh, I’ve got…” He shook the basket slightly. The teacher sighed and waved him in, giving up on trying to keep everyone’s focus on the board. People were too eager to see who was receiving messages, for personal and gossip reasons, to bother with education at that moment.

Cyrus watched with vague interest as Gus weaved his way throughout the room, picking out the hearts and dropping them on desks. Those receiving them made noisy fanfare about opening their messages, reading them out to their friends and giggling. This went on for about five minutes until the basket got noticeably emptier. People started to lose interest as the number of notes dwindled and slumped down in their seats. The girl sat next to him slumped in obvious disappointment. He wondered who she was expecting to get a message from. It looked like Gus was about to leave, and Cyrus was ready to turn his attention back to the lesson when he made a noise of realisation and plunged his hand into the basket. There was on left, stuck at the bottom between the wicker. Gus picked at it and finally managed to pull it out. Every eye in the room followed the movement. Gus turned and made eye contact with Cyrus.

His heartbeat picked up. Oh no. Gus was heading straight for him with a determined expression. He stopped just short of his desk and dropped the note on it. Then, with a nod, he left the room. Cyrus stared at the note. Everyone else stared at Cyrus.

“Well,” hissed the girl next to him. “Aren’t you going to open it?”

For some reason, the folded pink heart that sat in front of him gave him the same feeling that coming face to face with a grenade might. His pulse thrummed unsteadily and he could feel a thin layer of sweat collecting at the base of his neck. It didn’t help that everyone watched as he slowly reached forward and picked it up between his thumb and forefinger, as though it might explode. He already knew what the handwriting inside would look like. He flicked it open.

 

**_‘“_ ** **_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner/Breathing in your dust/I wanna be your Ford Cortina/I will never rust/If you like your coffee hot/Let me be your coffee pot/You call the shots/I wanna be yours…’ - John Cooper Clarke”.’_ **

 

The handwriting was as recognisable as expected, but the content wasn’t. His admirer had never sent him poetry before.

“Who’s it from?” The girl asked curiously.

Cyrus swallowed. “I don’t know.”

He didn’t know why it felt like such a lie to say that.

 

*******

 

Baby taters were a blessing and he told TJ as much as they sat sprawled across a booth to one another. The Spoon was doing a Valentine’s Day special that meant milkshakes were two for one, so they’d ordered one of every flavour and were both swapping between them as they ate, using the drinks as dipping sauces for their food.

TJ laughed. “This might be the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had. Should’ve thought of this years ago. Vanilla?” He offered a milkshake coated baby tater to Cyrus. Cyrus leaned forward and bite it in half, watching happily as TJ popped the other half into his own mouth.

“It is a pretty good way to spend an afternoon,” he agreed. “Chocolate?” TJ accepted his tater gleefully.

The Spoon was pretty packed for a school afternoon, but Cyrus figured that was probably because there weren’t many places to go in Shadyside for dates, so a ton of couples had descended on the premises looking to have a romantic meal together. If you could call fried food and thick milkshakes romantic, that is.

“So how was your day?” TJ asked, patting his full stomach contentedly when they finished eating. “Anything interesting happen?”

Cyrus shrugged. “I got a heart delivery in English.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that.”

“How? It was literally in last period.”

“The devil works hard but the rumour mill works harder,” TJ grinned. “Who was it from?”

Cyrus shrugged. “It’s a mystery.”

“Your secret admirer, then?”

“Yep. You tracked them down yet,” he teased. “I know Buffy’s been on your case about it.”

TJ sighed. “Y’know, I don’t envy you. I know my friends are concerned with my love life, but yours are _really_ invested. She bugs me about it every time we have a tutoring session. You’d think I was a detective from the way she talks about it.”

“Well, you do know a lot of people. And all the gossip. It’s actually kind of scary how much information you have.”

“If only that information was to do with math,” he replied with a mournful expression, then leaned forward to slurp at their strawberry milkshake loudly through a straw.

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Anyway, what about you? You get any notes?”

He held up four fingers. Cyrus’ eyes widened.

“Wow. I didn’t even think I’d get one. You’re like a celebrity.”

TJ snorted and picked up another baby tater. “Not quite, just an athlete. It’s kind of exhausting.”

“Yeah, yeah. Being popular must be _so hard_ ,” Cyrus joked. “Wandering around, being liked by everyone, how terrible.”

“Shut up, not everyone likes me. Buffy doesn’t. Pretty sure Jonah’s not too keen either.”

Cyrus shrugged. “They’re two people, plus I think they’re warming up to you. You’re very likeable you know… when you’re not being grumpy.”

“When am I grumpy?” he asked in mock outrage.

Cyrus just smiled back and popped a tater into his mouth. TJ shook his head in pretend offence.

“Can’t believe I bring you out on a tater-date and you insult me like this,” he said.

_Thud, thud, thud._ Cyrus’ heart felt like it was doing somersaults at the word ‘date’. He knew TJ hadn’t meant anything by it, he was just joking around, but it still did something funny to his entire nervous system.

“Anyway,” TJ continued. “I’ve been meaning to ask… are you busy Friday night?”

“I don’t think so, why?”

“My mom’s going away for the weekend. One of her friends has a bachelorette party or something, and my dad’s away for work again. Empty house. We’re throwing a party. You and your friends wanna come?”

One day Cyrus would get used to TJ asking to spend time with him, but that day was not today. The idea of attending a party, by invitation no less, with the popular kids filled him with childish excitement. If only he could go back in time and tell his thirteen-year-old self that this is where he’d be in a few years. It was awesome.

 

*******

 

The party was everything and nothing like Cyrus expected. He could hear the music thumping rhythmically from down the street before the house was even in view and he wondered how long it would be before one of the neighbours made a noise complaint and they got in trouble. When he and his friends arrived they found that the door was open, several people sat on the front porch smoking, spilling the bright light from inside out on to the front drive. They slid past the smokers and into the crowded house. Cyrus’ senses were immediately assaulted by the overpowering smell of alcohol, no wonder since there were cups, cans and bottles decorating every surface, and the mixture of music and conversation made it hard to focus on what anyone was saying. It seemed like the entire class was spending their Friday night there. He wondered how TJ planned on clearing everything up before his mom got home on Monday - it was only nine o’clock and the party was in full swing. The house was a mess.

“I’m gonna go find TJ,” he yelled to Andi over the noise. She looked just as overwhelmed as he did.

“Okay!” She yelled back. “Meet you in the yard when you find him? Might actually be able to hear ourselves think out there!”

They gave one another a thumbs up and Cyrus dove into the crowded hallway blocking the kitchen. Why anyone would want to use a hallway as a dance floor was beyond him, but people were doing it. He had to elbow his way in but, eventually, he managed. It was quieter in the kitchen, thankfully, and he knew TJ had to be around somewhere. In the end, he didn’t have to look very hard. He found TJ perched on one of the counters holding court. Cyrus laughed quietly to himself as he took in the group of admirers taking in every word as TJ gestured wildly along to whatever story he was thrilling them with. As if sensing his presence, he looked up and caught Cyrus’ eyes. Smiling, he excused himself from the group and slid down off the side to make his way over. He must have already been a little tipsy because he was brandishing a beer and he greeted Cyrus with a tight hug.

“Hey,” he breathed into his ear. “I’m glad you could come. It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” Cyrus said, forcibly stopping himself from holding on tighter as TJ pulled away. He missed the warmth of him immediately.

“You want a drink?” He asked, not waiting for a response before spinning around fast to head for the fridge. Cyrus just followed and watched as he pulled out a small bottle of something pink, grabbing a bottle opener and popping off the lid, before handing it to him. Cyrus stared at it. He’d only had alcohol a couple of times before, at family events under the watchful eyes of responsible adults, and this was entirely new territory for him. Nervousness spiked through him. What if it was disgusting and he looked like an idiot because he didn’t like it? What if he did like it and continued to drink until he made a fool of himself? What if Mrs Kippen somehow found out and they got in trouble?

“You’ll like this,” TJ grinned. “Cross my heart. It’s fruity.”

TJ looked so goofy like this. All relaxed and smiley, like he was in the best place in the world, and the way he spoke incited instant trust in Cyrus. He knew he probably shouldn’t have accepted it as easily as possible, but he couldn’t help it. Amused at TJ’s toothy grin, he took a sip. Flavour burst across his tongue. It was pleasant and sweet, tasting a little like candy, so Cyrus gave him a pleased thumbs up. TJ’s grin grew impossibly wider.

“Great, c’mon.” He said and grabbed Cyrus’ hand. He dragged him towards the backdoors, greeting people enthusiastically as they went. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice several pointed looks at TJ’s hand in his but he chose to ignore it. If he pretended it was no big deal maybe everyone else would act the same. He didn’t really need speculation about whether or not something was going on between him and TJ flying around the rumour mill. He preferred to be a passive spectator of such things, not an active participant. “Marty and Walker want to play beer pong with you.”

“With me?”

“Who else?”

“They do know I have next to no athletic ability, right?”

TJ laughed, louder than usual and filled with obvious mirth. “You don’t need to be athletic to play beer pong Cyrus. It’s a game designed for drunk people. You’ll be fine.”

It turned out that he was right. Unlike with the video games, Cyrus was actually quite good at beer pong. He spent the first five minutes of their first game watching Marty and Walker argue over who got to have him on their team until Buffy swooped in to talk smack and claimed him as her own. It was fun. A few times he found himself actually doubling over with laughter. The more they all drank the more raucous they got. Cyrus wondered how they’d gotten hold of so much alcohol. Somebody must have had an older sibling willing to do drinks runs for them.

Towards midnight, Cyrus paid a visit to the bathroom and made the mistake of glancing at himself in the mirror. It instantly hit him; he had never felt like this before. He was tottering around, slightly unbalanced, and it felt a little like the world was spinning around him. His hair was messy, the top few buttons of his shirt popped open, and a rosy blush coloured his cheeks. He splashed some cool water on his face in an attempt to cool down, but it was to no avail. It wasn’t a bad feeling, being drunk for the first time, just weird. So far he’d spent most of the night outside in the yard with his and TJ’s friends. TJ had been flitting in and out of the house to socialise and play host, but he returned to the group pretty regularly - usually with a gentle touch to Cyrus’ shoulder, or elbow, or the back of his neck to let him know he was there. He was a very tactile drunk, and very boisterous. Cyrus basked in all the attention. It was nice to see such a laid back version of him if Cyrus was honest. God, he was so in love with him. The revelation did not hit him as hard as it should have; in fact, he felt strangely calm about it. He realised this was probably the effect of the alcohol, though he couldn’t truly bring himself to care.

When Cyrus finally stumbled out of the bathroom he practically ran right into TJ. He tripped over his own feet coming out of the door and right into his arms. TJ chuckled as he caught him.

“Whoa there,” he said. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” Cyrus said, looking up at him. TJ’s eyes were as impossibly green as usual, and they were easy to get lost in. Maybe he should get a map for them,  he thought to himself with a giggle, like the kind that Judy had drawn for them.

“What’s so funny?” TJ smiled. He still hadn’t let go and the two of them were just standing in the hall, clutching one another. The feeling of his hands on Cyrus’ waist was almost addictive. They radiated warmth. Cyrus wanted to press his face into his neck and breath him in.

He shook his head. “Nothing, just… things. I’m so drunk, TJ.”

“Yeah, I see that. You wanna stay here tonight? I don’t think you can go back to your folks’ like this.”

Cyrus nodded. He was a little distracted though. TJ had such a pretty face. And a pretty smile. He was so gorgeous. God, why was he so gorgeous? It was so unfair. Carefully, he lifted one hand up slowly to trace the upturned corners of TJ’s mouth. TJ didn’t move. It almost seemed as if he was holding his breath.

“You look so good like this,” Cyrus murmured. “Soft. Happy.”

“Yeah?” TJ response came out low and raspy. “You look good too. You should let loose more often.”

“You make me want to,” he admitted.

TJ looked at him, an unreadable expression on his face, lips slightly parted. His face slid into total seriousness. “I need to tell you something.”

“Hm?”

“I-”

_“TJ?! TEEJ?!”_ A loud voice rang out from somewhere deeper in the house. Cyrus and TJ both turned their heads. The voice came around the corner and with it came its owner. Reed.

He stopped short, taking in the sight of the pair holding one another. His expression soured.

“There you are,” he said, shortly. “I need to speak to you.”

TJ sighed and untangled himself from Cyrus. “Go find the others,” he said to him. “I’ll come find you in a little bit.”

Reed stomped off and TJ followed. Cyrus nodded and watched him go with a sigh of his own. One day he’d get up the nerve to ask Reed what his problem was, but for the moment he just accepted it and headed back to the yard. He figured he could destroy the guys at ping pong again for a little while, at least until TJ came back. On his way out, he passed a closed door. He could hear Reed and TJ behind it, voices raised enough to make it clear that they were arguing but not enough for him to eavesdrop. Yes, he was going to have to find out what that was about.

“Hey,” he said, dropping down into one of the chairs on the decking outside next to Walker.

“Hey. Why so glum, chum?” Walker asked.

Cyrus shrugged. “I think TJ and Reed are having a fight.”

Walker and Marty exchanged a look that Cyrus couldn’t decipher.

“Don’t worry about it,” Marty said, handing him another drink. “It’s not worth the hassle.”

Cyrus took the drink. It was clear that the guys weren’t going to tell him anything, so he focused his attention elsewhere.

“Is Buffy wearing your jacket?” he realised suddenly, directing the question at Marty.

Marty went red. Walker grinned and nodded. “He’s finally making moves.”

“Aw, I’m so proud.”

“I know, right? I feel like a dad watching his son grow into a man.”

“Shut up, both of you. You’re not funny.”

Cyrus disagreed, but he shut up anyway and settled for exchanging amused looks with Walker. He pushed any thoughts of TJ and Reed away and challenged them to a new game.

 

*******

 

He woke up; mouth dry, head pounding, and groaned into the soft material underneath him. A pillow. It was a pillow. He was in a bed. He couldn’t remember how he got there. Cyrus lifted his head slowly, but let it flop down almost immediately. The pain was not worth it. He lay there for a moment, letting himself regain the use of his faculties, and eventually began to process where he was. He could smell deodorant, sweat and a hint of alcohol. TJ’s. He was at TJ’s… and, in his bed? He opened his eyes again and squinted at the room. Yep, definitely in TJ’s bed. He could see the familiar posters on the wall. How did he get there?

He sat up when gingerly. Something heavily slid from his chest down into his lap. It was a limp arm. Looking to the side he realised he wasn’t alone.

Memories slowly started to piece themselves back together in his head. About an hour after TJ had left him in the hall, he rejoined the group outside looking considerably less relaxed than he had before. He’d slung himself across Cyrus and talked smack at Marty, but despite his nonchalant words, it was obvious there was something bothering him. Cyrus didn’t have time to ask about it before TJ was pulling him inside to dance. They’d danced for a while. It had been fun, jumping up and down in the cluster of bodies that filled the house. The bass was booming, the music filled his soul, and he had been having the time of his life. He remembered less after that… flashes of growing tired, other people leaving and leaning on TJ as the two of them climbed the stairs filled his head. He was pretty sure the others were sprawled across various locations downstairs, but he wondered if any of them had made an attempt at going home yet.

TJ looked peaceful next to him, knocked out cold. They’d both slept in their jeans, which was never comfortable, but TJ had managed to pull off his shirt. Cyrus swallowed and averted his eyes. It was creepy to stare, especially since TJ was basically cuddling him. He wondered if they’d fallen asleep tangled together on purpose or if it had been a result of restless sleep. He knew it was likely the latter, but he couldn’t tamp down the hope that it was the former. He groaned as another memory his him; his revelation. There was no such thing as ignoring his feelings now. He was in love with TJ and he didn’t know how to stop that.

Sighing, he gently removed TJ’s arm from where it curled across his lap and slid off the bed. He needed to charge his phone and text his mom. Then he probably needed to shower and help clean up. He started making a mental list of things to do as he tottered woozily to the door. His stomach rolled unpleasantly. He definitely needed to get to the bathroom. However, his eyes caught on something as he went and he was halted in his tracks. On the desk was a notepad open on a blank page. The interesting thing about it obviously wasn’t that it was blank, but more that there were obvious pieces which had been torn from it. Almost as if TJ had been tearing out bits of paper to write notes.

Cyrus bolted to the bathroom and promptly threw up.

 


	6. Six

Cyrus came to the conclusion (after puking his guts up for a solid ten minutes or so) that the best thing to do was ignore it. If he was right and TJ  _ was  _ the one behind sending him the notes, then there was a reason that he hadn't owned up to it yet. He didn't want to push him.

Eventually, after making sure the contents of his stomach wasn’t going to make another surprise appearance, Cyrus got shakily to his feet and headed back into the bedroom. TJ was still fast asleep, completely conked out and snoring slightly. He looked so peaceful. Cyrus didn’t want to disturb him. So instead of waking him up he sidled over, made sure TJ was properly tucked in and set about finding a clean glass so he could fill it with water for him. Quietly he plugged in his phone. He waited idly for it to boot up, then checked his notifications. He had a couple of texts from his parents confirming it was okay for him to stay at TJ’s - he didn’t remember sending one which asked so he assumed TJ must’ve taken control in that case. Then there were a few Instagram notifications, mostly just  photos of the party he’d been tagged in that he’d look through later, and finally what he was looking for - a text from Buffy

 

**Slayer**

Staying a Ambers!!!! See u torrommow

When he was finished chuckling at her typos he groaned at the dawning realisation that he couldn’t really go home and nap. He had to go meet the others. They had agreed earlier in the week to meet up at The Spoon on Saturday so Cyrus could show them the footage he’d collected so far for the documentary. He hadn’t told either of them about the well and he didn’t plan to. He and TJ had filmed it but he still wasn’t sure if he was going to include it. Before meeting TJ, it would’ve been a no-brainer. That was exactly the kind of magical side of Shadyside that he wanted to explore, however when he thought about the idea of other people trampling through the clearing, playing on the swings… a selfish part of him wanted to keep it all just for the two of them. Once he had tracked down his shoes and made sure he had everything, he slid out from the room and gently closed the door behind him before he padded down to the living room.

Downstairs was a mess. Spilt drinks had covered the floor in a layer of sticky mess that pulled at the soles of Cyrus’ shoes unpleasantly. Every surface was covered in bottle tops, cans and empty solo cups. There were discarded jumpers, shoes and a couple of wallets scattered about that they would have to round up and return to their owners. On the couches and sprawled across cushions on the floor, he could see Marty, Walker, Lester and some of their other friend fast asleep curled up in awkward positions. He would bet his bottom dollar that if he went outside he’d find people asleep on the yard furniture too. The whole house looked like a bomb had gone off. He definitely couldn’t leave it like that. With a sigh, he slowly began cleaning up as quietly as he could. Buffy and Andi wouldn’t mind if he was a little bit late - they probably would be too. 

 

*******

 

When he arrived at The Spoon he was relieved to find that his friends also looked a little bit like they had mentally exited their current plane of existence. Andi was lying on the table with her head face down in her arms and Buffy’s was wearing a sweater that was even bigger than usual with a dead look in her eyes. 

“Morning,” he greeted them as he slid into the booth, placing the camera gently on the table as he went. 

Andi groaned but didn’t lift her head. “Not so loud,” she complained, words slightly muffled.

Buffy and Cyrus grinned at each other.

“That bad?” He asked.

“TJ’s friends are a terrible influence,” Buffy said, trying (and failing) to hold back laughter. “Worse than Amber even. Libby and Iris, you know them?”

He did. Everybody knew Libby - she was the student body President and had a similar level of popularity to TJ. She was short, sweet and incredibly kind. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her not smiling. Iris was one of Amber’s best friends and though they didn’t hang out often she and Cyrus got on like a house on fire. They had a lot in common. If he liked girls he would probably be convinced at this point that they were soulmates. She was pretty cool.

“Yeah.”

“They go a lot harder than you’d expect them to and they took Andi down with them. We’re lucky we could stay at Amber’s… I don’t want to think about how Bowie would’ve reacted if she’d come home like that.”

“I’d be said,” Andi said with a sigh, finally turning her face so she could peer up at them. “Which isn’t much different to how I already feel anyway.”

“How come you guys didn’t stay at TJ’s?”

“All the good spots to sleep were taken up by jocks,” Andi explained. “And Amber’s house isn’t that far of a walk. Her parents weren’t home so it made more sense than sleeping on a floor covered in beer.”

“Yeah, not everyone gets the luxury of first dibs on the host’s bed,” Buffy grinned, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. 

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Shut up it wasn’t like that.”

“So you didn’t sleep in TJ’s bed? With TJ? Because that’s what it looked like you were doing when we left.”

“You saw? We were just sleeping.”

“We came up to say goodbye and you were basically passed out cuddling him like a koala.”

Cyrus groaned. He was glad everyone else had been just as drunk as he had because that would be absolutely mortifying otherwise.

“You seemed like you were having a good time last night,” Buffy said. “We ordered you baby taters by the way.”

“Thanks. You too,” Cyrus said then casually let his eyes drift back to Buffy’s sweater. “Is that yours or Marty’s?”

Buffy scowled, but couldn’t seem to prevent herself from blushing and looking away. Fascinating. Cyrus had never seen her look flustered before. 

“That’s none of your business,” She grumbled.

“Are you planning on giving it back?” Andi grinned, sitting up and looking a lot perkier than she had a few minutes ago. Apparently making fun of friends was good for hangovers. “‘Cause you could do that when you go to the arcade with him later?”

“ _ What? _ ” Cyrus asked, staring at Buffy in glee as a waitress slid their order on to the table. “You’re going to the arcade with Marty? Like on a  _ date? _ I knew it! I knew you liked him.”

“It’s not a date!” She insisted. “We’re just hanging out. He’s funny, okay? Stop looking at me like that! Both of you. It’s creepy.”

They did not stop grinning at her. In fact, they continued doing this, along with making pointed comments about Marty wooing her, until she started pelting them both with fries.

When they’d calmed down a little, Cyrus busied himself with stuffing food into his face as Buffy and Andi took the camera to look at the documentary footage that he hadn’t had a chance to move on to his computer yet. He explained between mouthfuls of fries and baby taters which was what. So far he and TJ had collected several more interviews from around town, as well as chats with students from school and at some point when Cyrus hadn’t been looking last night TJ had captured quite a bit of footage of the party. When he’d seen it that morning he’d smiled - teenagers were just as much a part of life in Shadyside, so why shouldn’t they be included? He’d probably still cut most of it though. He didn’t want TJ getting in trouble with his mother.

“This looks amazing Cyrus,” Andi said. “I can’t wait to see it finished. When’s the deadline?”

“Soon,” Cyrus sighed. The looming award deadline was starting to creep up on him armed with mountains of stress. “I need to start editing it soon.

“It going to be a hit. Groundbreaking. Everyone will love it.”

“I don’t know about that…”

Buffy lifted the camera and clicked it on, pointing it at Cyrus. Andi put on a ridiculous voice, imitating a news reporter and using a bottle of ketchup as a microphone which she thrust at Cyrus’ face.

“We’re here with the world-famous director and writer Cyrus Goodman today,” she said. “Talking about his recent international hit, ‘ _ Life In Shadyside’  _ which has been nominated for a stunning ten Academy Awards! Tell us, Mr Goodman, how does it feel to be a genius?”

He laughed and went along with it easily, leaning in to talk into the bottle. “Well Miss Mack, it’s not too bad if I don’t say so myself.”

“And tell us, is the gossip true…” mischief filled her tone. “About your love life? Is it true you just got  _ engaged  _ to the one and only TJ Kippen, point guard for the Golden State Warriors?”

Cyrus laughed and shoved her away. Andi and Buffy continued to tease him, peppering him with questions about his imaginary engagement to TJ and making kissy faces. It was his turn to start throwing food at his friends now. 

Finally, Buffy lowered the camera, her expression all business.

“Seriously though,” she said. “What’s up with you and TJ? I can’t believe we didn’t know he was gay. Marty says everybody knows. It’s like common knowledge. I feel like we’ve been living under a rock.”

Cyrus shrugged. “Nothing’s going on.”

For a brief moment, he considered telling them about the notebook on TJ’s desk. He could probably use a second opinion on it - he wasn’t sure if he was just connecting a bunch of coincidences together because he hoped it was TJ sending him the notes or not. However, the idea of anyone else knowing made his stomach roll with nerves. Admitting it out loud would make it too real. 

He needed to consider all the clues here. He made two mental lists:

 

**Reasons Why TJ Might Be His Secret Admirer**

  * He was often close enough to slip the notes in
  * He knew where Cyrus’ locker was before they even met because of Buffy
  * He had little interest in finding out who the admirer was when most other people were intrigued by it
  * The torn up page in the notebook



 

**Reasons Why TJ Probably Isn’t His Secret Admirer**

  * TJ hadn’t mentioned it… surely he would have by now
  * Why would someone as cool and popular as TJ like somebody like Cyrus?
  * TJ had better things to do with his time
  * That would be ridiculous



 

There was an awful voice in the back of his mind suddenly, telling him that it was probably all a joke. Maybe that was why TJ and his friend had taken such a surprising interest in Cyrus - they were making fun of him. It was all one big prank and he was just there as entertainment. Maybe they’d noticed his crush on TJ and were weirded out by it. Maybe they thought it was funny to get his hopes up…

He shook himself. No.  _ No.  _ TJ wouldn’t do that. He immediately felt guilty for thinking it. TJ was his  _ friend.  _ He might not have expected him to be before, but that didn’t change the fact that he was now. Unexpected things happen. Not everyone was out to get him… probably.

“You guys seem pretty close for nothing to be going on. You talk about him like he hung the moon, like you literally never shut up about him. It’s amazing really I keep thinking you’ll run out of stuff to say but you don’t,” Buffy said.

“Admit it Cy, you  _ love  _ him,” Andi sang teasingly. “You love him and you want to kiss him and marry him and have his adopted babies. Then, much to Cyrus’ abject horror, Andi and Buffy exchanged a devious look and started singing.

“Cyrus and TJ sitting in a tree-”

“Oh God, what are we in Middle School again?”

“-K-I-S-S-I-N-G-”

“Guys,  _ please-” _

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes-” 

Cyrus got up and left. It wasn’t as dramatic as he’d hoped because he had to turn around and retrieve the camera before once again storming out in pretend rage. He could hear Andi and Buffy collapsing in laughter behind him. He loved his friends but wow he wished they were less…  _ like that _ sometimes.

 

*******

 

“So I didn’t get to say goodbye to you before you left this morning,” TJ greeted Cyrus when he answered his ringing phone that evening.

He was lounging on his bed trying to get some studying done. He’d been a little lax with learning lately, especially with all the socialising he’d been doing. It didn’t really seem to be working that well though because he’d been staring at the same paragraph about chemical reactions for the past ten minutes, distracted by thoughts of TJ curled around him in bed and a loppy scrawl on bits of paper.

“I had to go meet Buffy and Andi for brunch,” Cyrus explained. “And I did say goodbye, you were just unconscious.”

TJ huffed out a laugh, voice coming out tinny through the line. “Yeah, thanks for the water by the way. I definitely needed that when I woke. I can’t believe how much I drank last night… things got way more out of hand than I expected.”

“How hard is your mom going to kill you?”

He hummed quietly as if thinking about it for a moment before answering. “Not too hard I don’t think. We didn’t break anything, and I managed to get that weird stain out of the carpet so we Gucci.”

“Please never say ‘we Gucci’ to me again.”

“Why? Are we not Gucci?”

“Shut up,” Cyrus smiled into the phone. He loved these phone calls and he’d come to expect them when TJ was bored, or he’d seen something he thought Cyrus would find funny, or he had a question about homework. He’d use anything as an excuse to call actually… it was sweet. They’d inevitably end up talking for hours about pointless things and it would only end when one of them fell asleep or realised the time and regretfully mentioned they should probably go to bed. The latter had only happened twice. More often than not Cyrus fell asleep to either the sound of TJ’s voice or his snores. 

Maybe Buffy and Andi had a point. That wasn’t really something ‘just friends’ did.

“You wanna come over and hang out again after school tomorrow?” TJ asked. “My mom was asking about you. She likes you, y’know? You could stay for dinner if you wanted.”

“I should probably do some homework tomorrow…” Cyrus said.

It didn’t take long for TJ to convince him otherwise. They ended up staying on call for most of the night and by the end of it, Cyrus had agreed at least three times to go over to the Kippen’s for dinner and video games. Homework could wait. None of it was due in too soon anyway.

 

*******

 

In the past few weeks, TJ’s house had become Cyrus’ favourite place. Mrs Kippen liked to bake a lot, so the whole place always smelled warm and delicious. She’d insist on feeding them snacks and that wasn’t exactly a negative either. However, his favourite thing about being there by far was TJ’s bedroom. It was honestly like walking into an explosion of his mind. TJ would let him pick out CDs and they’d sit and listen to them on his beaten up old stereo, usually while TJ gave a rundown of the band’s history, or they’d go through his collection of books and Cyrus would make him give a review of them - those reviews got increasingly ridiculous the more TJ loved a book. It always ended up with Cyrus in absolute stitches.

Right now though, they were both slumped in his set of beanbags as TJ absolutely slaughtered him at some form of Call Of Duty. Cyrus had improved on the video game front over the past couple of months, mostly due to Walker and Marty insisting he play with them constantly, but he was still miles away from being able to beat any of the guys. They’d all been playing these things since they were kids. Cyrus had never really seen the appeal. He mostly agreed to play because he enjoyed the way TJ got all cocky and smug about his wins.

“So… the deadline for the Noah Mason Award’s coming up,” TJ said. “You think we’re ready to submit?”

 

“Huh, what?” Cyrus was mildly distracted by his character spinning in aimless circles, he wasn’t sure how he managed to make it do that. “Oh, yeah. I’ve just got to edit it together. I’m pretty sure we have all the footage we’ll need now."

Something seemed to be troubling TJ. He’d been oddly quiet today and his face twisted in a strange way when Cyrus mentioned that they were almost done. He paused the game and turned to him. Slowly, Cyrus put his controller down.

“You okay?” He asked.

TJ nodded. “I’m fine, it’s just…” he took a deep breath. “We can still hang out after this, right? Like when the documentary’s done?”

“You want to?” Cyrus said in surprise.

“Of course I want to! I know it’s only been a few weeks but… I really like you, Cyrus. I’m pretty you’re one of my best friends, if not… my  _ best  _ friend.”

Oh. He hadn’t been expecting that at all. How do you respond to that? 

“I-me too,” he said meekly. 

Smart, Cyrus.

“Yeah?” TJ grinned.

Cyrus nodded and picked up his controller. He unpaused the game, “And now I’m going to crush you.”

“We should show the film off when it’s done,” TJ said as Cyrus utterly failed to crush him. “Like, have a little pre-award exhibition with all our friends.”

“You think so?”

“Everybody wants to see it,” TJ shrugs. “Not everyone’s going to be able to go to the exhibition-”

“It only goes to exhibition if it gets picked,” Cyrus pointed out.

“It will get picked. Anyway, as I was saying, not everyone’s gonna be able to go. So how about we show off the finished product here? We could have a little party. Could be fun.”

“Like a viewing party?”

“Yeah, with more beer.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Sure, TJ. With more beer.”

TJ paused the game again and looked at him. There was a certain softness to his eyes that Cyrus had come to realise was only ever aimed at him. It made him feel… he didn’t know how it made him feel. Special, that was for sure, but also nervous. He could never quite tell what it meant. Looking at him now, he thought about the notes. If it was TJ (and if he was honest with himself it had become pretty clear it  _ was _ ) behind them, then had he meant all those things he’d written? Did he really feel that way about Cyrus? If so, why? When had he started taking enough notice of him for that to happen? All those times where Cyrus had been watching him in the hallways and on the basketball court, had he been staring right back without him noticing? 

“Hey,” TJ murmured. For the first time all evening, Cyrus realised how close together they were sat. They always shoved the bean bags as close together as possible, but usually, they were so sprawled out on them there was enough space to fit another person between them. Today, though, TJ had sat so their knees and elbows were pressed together and he could jostle Cyrus during the game while they were talking trash at one another. He was leaning towards him now, his face only inches away, so close that he could feel his breath on his skin. 

“Hey,” Cyrus said back, voice almost a whisper. 

“Can I try something?”

“Okay.”

TJ lifted a hand to Cyrus’ collar, running his thumb along the edge of his shoulder then slowly moving it up to cup his jaw. Cyrus held his breath. He couldn’t believe this was happening. It was a heart-pounding, pulse raised, all thoughts disappearing into the void kind of moment when TJ leaned in. 

He kissed him.

And Cyrus kissed right back.

  
  
  



	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schedules? What's a schedule. Sunday night updates no longer exist, I just keep updating earlier and earlier these days. HMU on tumblr @captainkippen if you wanna chat about the fic so far.

“Let me get this straight… you think TJ is the secret admirer, also you think you might be in love with him,  _ and _ he kissed you last night?” Buffy said, wide-eyed. Her food was getting cold before her, but for once she and Andi had both completely ignored their food.

Cyrus ducked his head but he couldn’t hide his huge smile. He’d had constant butterflies since the night before. It felt like he was walking on air.

“How was it?” Andi demanded. “Were there fireworks? Did you hear an angelic choir singing in the distance?”

“It was amazing,” Cyrus replied, dreamily. He was telling the truth. He could still feel the way his heart had pounded as TJ had leaned in, along with the softness of his lips and the chaste kiss that tasted of the candy they’d been sneaking before dinner. It had felt a million times better than he ever thought a kiss could feel. “He was so gentle. Honestly? I thought I’d died.”

“Aww,” Buffy and Andi chorus, both of their expressions melting as if they’d just seen a cute puppy outside. 

Buffy leaned forward on her elbows as if she were afraid to miss a single detail. Cyrus puffed up his chest a little at the attention. It was nice to be interrogated by his friends about something that made him happy, usually, it was their relationships they were gossiping about, but today it was his turn. “So what did he say after?” She asked. “Did he ask you on a date? How long has he liked you? How long could you have been doing this for without realising? Oh my gosh, and why do you only  _ think  _ he’s the secret admirer, didn’t he confirm it?”

Cyrus was actually wondering all of these things himself. The problem was…

“We didn’t actually get a chance to talk about it,” he said a little regretfully. “His mom called us down for dinner like right after and then I had to go home.”

“He didn’t call you?”

He shook his head. He didn’t like to admit but he’d been too afraid to call TJ too. As happy as he was with the kiss, he hadn’t been expecting it at all and the second he’d stepped out of the Kippens’ front door last night he’d suddenly been filled with worry and doubts (what’s new, hey?). What if TJ regretted the kiss and that’s why he hadn’t called him? What if it had just been a joke? What if it was actually Cyrus who had initiated it and he was remembering wrong and he’d just read the situation entirely incorrectly?

It was at that point he realised he was thinking like a crazy person and shut down all thoughts of the matter so he could deal with them at a later date.

“I think this is a conversation better to have in person,” he said.

Buffy and Andi nodded. “Agreed,” they said. 

“It’s a good idea to get your thoughts together,” Andi said with a wide smile.

There was a beat of silence. Cyrus waited, he could see the expressions of excitement growing on both of their faces. It would only be a matter of time before-

“Oh my God!” Buffy exploded. “Your first boyfriend! This is so awesome. We should totally celebrate. This calls for milkshakes… oh, and more fries! I’ll get the waitress…”

Cyrus sat back and giggled as the other two chattered happily about his prospective new relationship. Who would’ve thought this would be his life right now? A year ago he couldn’t even comprehend the idea of meeting a guy who liked him back, let alone TJ Kippen the boy of his dreams. It was like he’d walked right into his own little fairytale. Buffy was right. It  _ was  _ awesome.

 

*******

 

The editing process for the documentary doesn’t take Cyrus as long as he thought it would, which is a miracle by the usual standard. Film Club received more funding that year than they had previously and, as a result, the editing suite at school had been upgraded properly so it was a lot easier to use. He was having a whale of a time - it was actually quite entertaining to go combing through all the footage they’ve gathered. All the stories from the locals were captivating and revealed a side of the town most people usually ignored. Then there was footage of their classmates and small snippets of TJ’s party where it was clear everyone was just letting loose and just having a good time. A video of Walker and Marty getting into an intense battle with Nerf guns had him in stitches -TJ must have filmed it while he wasn’t looking. It was also hard to ignore the intense amount of close-ups he’d filmed of TJ when they were out and about though, so he carefully cut them and slid them into a separate folder of outtakes for later with a smile on his face. The next thing to go was the few minutes hat Buffy had filmed of her and Andi teasing him about TJ at The Spoon. He didn’t put that one in a folder, just dropped it straight into the recycling bin, nobody needed to see that. He was on his second day of editing, about four hours deep into sorting it all out when TJ appeared in the doorway with a goofy smile as he tapped his fist against the frame.

“Knock knock.”

Cyrus looked up with a smile. “Well, hey there,” he greeted. “Fancy seeing you here.”

It had been about a week since the kiss and they still had yet to have a conversation about it. The problem with having a lot of friends, which Cyrus was quickly beginning to realise, was that those friends demanded rather a lot of time and attention. The week had been so busy between getting the documentary ready for submission, an intense amount of basketball practices (there was an important game that Cyrus didn’t really understand coming up but he was as supportive as he could be anyway) and general group hangouts that the two of them hadn’t had a chance to have a minute to themselves. They’d had phone calls since, their usual rambling the night away conversations, but neither of them had brought it up. There were a couple of times where Cyrus thought they might have been close to it, but they’d danced around the issue at the last second. It had reassured him he wasn’t totally losing it; TJ clearly didn’t hate him so he obviously wasn’t mad about the kiss. Cyrus figured it was likely a case of being unsure how to approach it, similar to how he felt about it himself. They just needed to find the right time.

“How’s it going?” TJ asked, winding his way through chairs to get to Cyrus and leaning over to peer at the screen. He was in the middle of editing the audio of their interview with Old Man Aberman. TJ’s eyes went soft at the sight of the man. “People are gonna love this so much. How much longer before you think it’ll be done?”

“Maybe another few days?” Cyrus said. “It’ll be ready in time for the submission though for sure. Mr Riley wants to take a look at it before I do but he seemed pretty pleased by what he’s seen so far. He said he really likes all the stuff about the cryptid… apparently, there used to be a lot of stories about it when he was at school here.”

“Awesome,” TJ smiled. “You finished for the day? We’re thinking about going for pizza at Monty’s.”

Cyrus’ eyes followed where TJ was gesturing to the do and for the first time, he noticed Reed lingering there. To his pleasant surprise, the scowl that Cyrus had come to expect was missing from his face for once. He was leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, smiling slightly. Maybe TJ had told him about the other night and Reed had finally warmed up to the idea of Cyrus… was it possible that he had just been concerned that Cyrus would break TJ’s heart this whole time?

He nods and grabs his bag. “Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

“Great- oh!” TJ lowered his voice. “And Reed wanted to talk to you, you okay for me to go warm up the car and wait there? I don’t have to…”

“It’s fine?” Cyrus said uncertainly. What would Reed have to talk to him about? Was he about to threaten him? “It’s fine. We’ll meet you out there.”

“Awesome,” TJ said and headed out the door, Reed sliding out of the way for him to jog past. “See you guys in a second.” 

They watched him go and then looked at one another. Reed’s smile didn’t drop from his face, nor did it suddenly become vicious or unfriendly, instead he meandered over to Cyrus and flicked his gaze to the screen of the computer he’d been using.

“It cool if I take a look?” He asked politely.

“Uh, sure.”

He slid into the seat, hand hovering over the mouse as if working out what to do, then he hit play. They watched the footage roll soundlessly for a moment.

“So… TJ says I need to like, be nicer to you and stuff,” Reed said suddenly.

Cyrus wasn’t sure how to respond. While it was true Reed hadn’t exactly been welcoming he’d also never done anything outright nasty to him.

“Do you?” 

Reed turned in the chair looking unimpressed. “You know what I mean. I haven’t been the most chill guy ever since you showed up and like… I should apologise for that. It’s just, TJ really likes you and I’m not used to having to share him and stuff. He’s my best friend. You came along and all his attention was suddenly on you.”

“Um… I’m sorry?” Cyrus said, unsure of what else to say. 

He shrugged and turned back to the computer. “It’s cool. Not your fault.”

“I’m… gonna go catch up with TJ, if that’s okay?” Cyrus asked. The room felt suffocating all of a sudden.

“Sure, that’s fine. It okay if I just watch the last couple of seconds of this? I’ll catch up to you in a sec.”

“Sure,” Cyrus said and any anxiety he had over leaving Reed alone in the suite was overruled by the feeling of sheer relief at not having to be alone with him. He took that as his cue to flee and hurried out of the door.

 

*******

 

They had spent so much time on the bleachers that year, even more than they did usually when supporting Buffy, that Andi and Cyrus had gained their own specific spot that other students knew not to take. It was odd. Cyrus never felt like he’d have a concrete place at school, one that was completely untouchable as well as recognised by others. Those kinds of things belonged to the popular crowd; the athletes, the student government, the rich kids and their friends. Not Cyrus. Never Cyrus. However, since hanging out with the entire basketball team he’d found himself speaking to a lot more people. He’d received more invitations out to parties (which he rarely accepted because the idea honestly terrified him) in the past few months than he ever had in his life and he was still getting used to getting greeted in the halls the same way that people greeted Buffy or TJ or Jonah. It was weird but nice.

“So why is this game important again?” Cyrus asked as he settled down next to Andi. He’d asked TJ and Buffy the same question earlier in the week but they’d both ended up going on basketball-related tirades that he didn’t really understand.

“If they win this one they go to the final,” Andi responded. “And I think that means they get a trophy.”

“Well, that explains why they’ve all been so weird all week.”

“I really thought they were going to kill Marty with all the extra practices.”

Cyrus laughed and handed one of the gigantic posters he’d made to her. “Hold this one for me?”

She took it without hesitation, flipping it around to read it only briefly before smiling and turning it around. He was quite proud of it. It read  **_‘YOU CAN’T OUT TUFF THE BUFF!’._ **

He hoisted his own into the air - this one for TJ. 

**_‘YOU’RE TRIPPIN’ IF YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT KIPPEN!’_ **

“I hope they win today,” Andi said. “Or tonight is going to be really depressing.”

It was the night of the documentary party, or the  **‘LIFE OF SHADYSIDE BIG BASH BONANZA’** as Marty had so helpfully dubbed it. TJ had been buzzing about it all week. He’d convinced his parents to go visit their friends for the weekend (which Cyrus was mildly amazed by considering he’d barely gotten away with the last party undetected) to secure the house and there were a lot of people going. It was the hot topic of conversation but listening to people discuss it just made Cyrus feel sick - he was nervous about what people would think. He hoped the movie wouldn’t be too boring after they’d worked so hard on it. 

“Me too,” Cyrus replied. “I don’t want to experience Storm Buffy ever again.”

“Oh, God. Same,” she agreed.

Last time the team had lost an important game it had taken three days for Buffy to stop raging and then she’d only become sullen about it. It had not been a pleasant week. Cyrus was a little bit afraid of her the whole time. 

Cyrus’ attention was then caught by TJ who was standing with the rest of the team in a huddle. He beamed up at him from the court and waved happily. Cyrus blushed and waved back, laughing as he watched Lester smack him on the back of the head and tell him to focus. Several people on the bleachers in front of them turned to look at him and waved teasingly. He felt his blush deepen. It turned out when TJ Kippen liked you everyone else started paying more attention too... like they were in on every joke and laughing with Cyrus as opposed to at him for once. It was a bit like being a high school celebrity. He still wasn’t sure he liked it. 

A whistle blew and the game started. Andi and Cyrus turned their attention to one another. They had both become pros at cheering at the right moments and booing at bad calls even without knowing what was going on or paying too much attention to the court. It was a side effect of being friends with someone as sporty as Buffy.

“So Libby and Iris asked me to join the events committee for the Spring Formal,” Andi said. “They said my crafting skills would be great for decorations.”

“Really? That’s awesome! Are you gonna do it?” 

“I think so, they’re really nice.”

“Do you think you’ll take Amber?”

“If she says yes.”

“Pfft,” Cyrus snorted. “She will. She loves you.”

Andi smiled a small pleased smile. “I know. Who do you think you’ll go with? Are you gonna ask… you know?” She nodded her head towards TJ.

It was obvious that the kids around them were listening. He was grateful for her discretion. He didn’t really feel like being on the theoretical cover of the teenage version of  _ Entertainment Weekly.  _

“Maybe,” he smiled. “I hope so. When we’ve talked about… y’know. The thing.”

“You still haven’t?” She said in reply.

“We haven’t had a chance yet,” he shrugged. “We will. It’s fine.”

“Hm, okay. Keep me up to date,” she said, then they both stood and joined the Mexican wave sliding through the crowd letting out whoops and lifting their signs. 

The rest of the game passed by in a similar fashion; the two of them gossiping together and occasionally making noise in support of the team. TJ waved to Cyrus a couple more times, a goofy smile accompanying the action and making Cyrus smile right back.

Not that it was much of a surprise considering how hard the team had been working, but they won and the gymnasium went wild. Andi and Cyrus carefully picked their way down to the court to find their friends and allowed themselves to be pulled into the fumbling group hug that was going on. TJ grinned in a way that sparked butterflies in Cyrus’ stomach as he pulled him in for an individual hug, laughing euphorically in his ear. It was easy to get caught up in the buzz of excitement. Cyrus could already taste the victory impending milkshakes.

 

*******

 

If it was possible, the party that night was even wilder than the last. Downstairs was crammed with people armed with drinks. TJ was making an effort to corral everyone into the living room before they got too drunk to pay attention. The sound system was on full blast and Cyrus didn’t recognise half the crowd in there. He, Buffy and Andi, with their own drinks in hand, all ducked to the back of the room to avoid getting squashed. Cyrus marvelled at the sheer capacity of the room. It was a little bit insane. If Mrs Kippen didn’t find out about this one he’d be surprised. He watched as TJ climbed up on to a chair clutching a spoon and a saucepan and started clanging them together as noisily as he could to catch everyone’s attention. Marty cut off the music, inciting a loud groan from the crowd of students around him. 

“Hey, hey! Shut up!” He yelled over the chatter. Finally, the room quieted. TJ smiled and addressed the room boisterously. “Okay, so as most of you know, this party was planned with a specific purpose in mind. Please give a big cheer for Cyrus Goodman, who’s trying to hide in a corner over there!”

TJ gestured to Cyrus and heads turned towards him as a loud cheer went up. He went red and bashfully tipped the beer he was holding in their direction. Fortunately, TJ didn’t ask him to come up and talk or anything, he just continued himself.

“Cyrus and I have spent the past couple of months making a documentary around town together called  _Life In Shadyside,_ it has a few of you fuckers in it,” Another bout of cheers went up. “Anyway, we finally finished it, mostly due to an intense amount of hard work from Cyrus while I played catch with my friends.” Everybody laughed, Marty and Walker whooped loudly. In the background, someone yelled something in support of the team. “Tonight, we’re going to make you all watch it with us!”

As if by magic (but more likely a result of one of the guys being cued in by TJ’s words) the lights switched off and a huge image flickered to life on the wall. 

“Where did they get a projector?” Andi murmured to Cyrus as everyone turned to the screen. He shrugged at her. He didn’t pretend to know what the boys got up to in their free time, usually because the few times he’d asked ended up wishing he hadn’t. They gave him the nasty feeling that they could be arrested at any moment for their shenanigans sometimes.

The film began with an old style countdown and the opening image of the  **_‘WELCOME TO SHADYSIDE’_ ** sign flickered into view. Much to Cyrus’ own amusement people began to applaud. He was pretty sure no one was actually that enthusiastic about being in this town but it was nice to see a show of support.

He leaned back against the wall and Buffy and Andi both bumped their hips into him gently. It was their way of silently telling him that they were proud. He felt his own sense of pride welling up in his chest. He never thought he’d get to make the documentary, let alone have it ready to submit for the Noah Mason Award, and here it was on display for everybody to see. People had specifically come to watch a film that  _ he’d  _ made and celebrate its creation with him. That floating feeling, similar to the one that had followed him for days after TJ had kissed him, was slowly returning. This year really had been something so far. Was this what the Hollywood protagonists of teen movies felt like when they got their happy endings?

His question was answered about five minutes into the film when he was drifting off into his own thoughts, and it was a hard  _ no.  _

_ “And tell us, is the gossip true…”  _ Cyrus’ head snapped up at the sound of Andi’s voice coming from the screen. The smile slid from his face as a feeling dread filled him. “About your love life? Is it true you just got  _ engaged  _ to the one and only TJ Kippen, point guard for the Golden State Warriors?”

It was like walking into a nightmare. People around them were starting to titter as Andi and Buffy teased him on screen about his feelings for TJ. Then there was laughter. He was frozen in place, not willing to turn his head to see what TJ looked like. 

“What the fuck?” Buffy said, mouth agape. “Cyrus is this meant to be in here?”

He snapped out of his frozen state to shake his head slightly. Oh God, a lot of people were laughing now. When he looked around he spotted Reed and a couple of the other guys from the basketball team, the ones who didn’t hang out with them as much, doubled over and cracking up. TJ was stood next to them. Cyrus couldn’t make out his expression but he could feel his own face heating up and his vision blurring.

“Hey Kippen, I think you’ve got a stalker!” Somebody shouted, much to the amusement of the crowd. That was the final straw. Cyrus shoved his way out, ignoring the sound of his friends calling after him. He had to get out of there.

He tore out of the house as fast as he could, out on to the street, sprinting as fast as he could. He had to get away. He couldn’t get away fast enough. He didn’t stop running until his lungs were burning and it felt like he might collapse if he kept going. He stumbled over to the sidewalk and sat down on the curb, wrapping his arms around himself and finally letting out a shuddering sob. His phone was buzzing in his pocket - he ignored it. 

No wonder they hadn’t talked about the kiss. It had been a joke all along. All of his fears and anxieties about the whole situation had just been confirmed in one nightmare reality. How could he have been so stupid as to think guys like TJ and the basketball team would want to actually be his friend? How could he not have realised what was going on?

He thought about all the late night hangouts and party invitations. All the shared pizzas and inside jokes. Had it just been a means of entertainment to them all along? Had they just been laughing at him behind his back? ‘Oh, haha, there goes Cyrus Goodman, he really thinks he’s cool enough to hang out with us, what a loser. A loser with a big creepy crush on TJ.’ He thought about the look in TJ’s eyes before he kissed him and wondered how he’d become such a good actor. 

He thought about the notes. 

Whoever said that high school would be the best time of his life was a liar. He never knew anything could hurt this much.

 


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind comments you guys have left me! I hope you enjoyed reading this. Come yell about it with me on tumblr, I'm @captainkippen.

**_‘I think your smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen.’_ **

The first time Cyrus had read that note it had filled him with the content kind of happiness that comes with receiving a compliment. Now, it just made him feel sick. He sat on the edge of his bed, the box of notes he’d been keeping open on his lap, several pieces of torn out notepaper crumpled in his fists. He’d meant to throw them away at first but he couldn’t help himself when he started reading through them again. It was funny how such small things could cause such big emotions. A week ago the notes had been one of the best things in his life, he would read them when he wasn’t feeling good about himself and remember that not everyone looked at him the same way he looked at his own reflection. They made him feel worse about himself now; delicate little reminders that he was a joke to the people he thought cared about him.

A joke to somebody he thought he could trust above anybody else.

On the bright side, thinking about it no longer sent a pang of hurt through his chest like a knife, he was just numb to it all now. He had several dozen missed calls cluttering up his voice mail, at least fifty unread text messages, and had been avoiding the front door for the last few days. He intended to utilise the block buttons on all social media as soon as he could bring himself to click on the relevant profiles; he wasn’t going to do that just yet though, he didn’t really want to see people laughing at him online too. Avoiding people at school was surprisingly easy. Jocks moved in such large groups you could see them coming from a mile away. Cyrus ducked out of hallways when he heard their voices and ate lunch in empty classrooms. Buffy and Andi joined him - it was nice to have some solidarity still exist.

The two of them hadn’t known anything about the situation at the party and he hadn’t expected them to. He knew for a fact that there had been a big argument after he’d left and Buffy was no longer talking to half of her own teammates, which Cyrus had tried to convince her wasn’t necessary but she’d insisted that she didn’t want to hear their shoddy explanations or be involved with anyone that could treat her best friend like that. Just like that, Cyrus slipped off the radar and went back to being a nobody at school. It was better that way. At least he had time to do his homework now.

He looked down at his fill full of paper and sighed, crumpling the last one into a little ball and pushing off the bed to walk over to the trash can. He hesitated, hand hovering over it, and for brief a moment, he considered putting them back in the box and shoving it to the back of his closet. Bex was always telling Cyrus and the girls that they should hang on to as many memories as possible - she was the one who had given him the idea of the box in the first place - but he wasn't sure this was something he'd ever be able to look back on and laugh at.

The notes made sweet pattering sounds as they fell into the garbage. Cyrus turned away from them without glancing down. 

In the mirror, he caught his own reflection. Usually, he prided himself on his appearance but recently he hadn't been as enthusiastic about fixing his hair or picking out his outfit. What did it matter? What did it matter what anyone else thought of him? They were already laughing. It's not like he could make it worse.

Staring at the dark bags under his own eyes, he wondered if they were as obvious to everyone else as they were to him as of late. He'd been getting nightmares; the kind of cliche night time terrors where he went to class in his underwear and everybody laughed. They didn't exactly make for a restful night's sleep.

The problem was that he was  _ so tired. _ Not just from the lack of sleep, but tired of caring what everyone else thought. He was tired of worrying that he was a loser. Caring if people thought he was funny. He was so bored of all of it. Why should it matter?

And that's when it hit him. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. Why should he care if TJ knew he had a crush on him? Why should he care if everyone thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world? It was nobody's business but his. Everybody had feelings.

It was time to let go of those worries. He couldn't live holding his breath anymore.

 

*******

 

“So are you guys coming to the game tonight?” Buffy asked, making an attempt at a nonchalant tone and missing it by miles. Cyrus bit back a smile. It was nice of her to try and protect him but he didn't need her to.

He and Buffy were at Andi's having a movie night with her. They'd loaded up a marathon of terrible romcoms on Netflix, filled three large bowls with buttery popcorn and were slowly making their way through what could only be described as a disgustingly big bag of candy that Bex and Bowie had bought them. It was the ideal night in… Cyrus just wished his friends would stop shooting him worried glances.

“Of course,” Andi said. “You think I'd miss you help crush the Tornadoes? No way.”

It was the basketball final coming up and everyone at school was absolutely buzzing over it. It might have involved a cup, or something else shiny, but Cyrus didn't know enough about the game to be sure. He knew that the Tornadoes were their team's biggest rival and Buffy wanted nothing more than to destroy them, and that's all he needed to know.

“What about you, Cyrus?” Andi asked casually.

On the one hand, even though he'd decided he no longer cared what anybody thought of him, the idea of seeing TJ still had him feeling a little shaky. On the other, Buffy was his best friend. He'd never missed a game and he didn't plan on starting now, particularly when it was one that was so obviously important to her. 

“I'll be there,” he said as confidently as he could manage. “Wouldn't miss it for the world.”

Buffy peered at him with an uncertain look over the top of the cushion she was hugging. “You sure? You don’t have to. I would understand if you didn’t want to after… y’know?”

“The most humiliating moment of my life?” Cyrus replied lightly and shrugged. “It’s fine. I can’t let myself be scared forever. They’re not going to scare me away from supporting my friend.”

“I still can’t believe they did that,” Andi sighed. “They seemed so nice. I don’t understand it at all. Have you spoken to TJ since?”

Cyrus shook his head. “I don’t want to hear whatever excuse he has.”

Buffy and Andi exchanged a look,

“What?” He asked. 

Buffy bit her lip. “It’s just… it seemed so out of the blue. I don’t know why he’d do that… maybe he really didn’t know?”

Over the past few days, there had been an increase in effort from several of the guys on the basketball team to convince Cyrus to talk to TJ. Marty had attempted an ambush at his locker (and failed spectacularly - it turned out Cyrus was very quick at making escapes when he didn’t want to be somewhere), Walker had shoved a note into the Goodman’s mailbox that Cyrus had thrown away instantly and he’d spotted both of them trying to plead with Andi and Buffy in the halls. Fortunately, Cyrus had two incredibly loyal best friends. They hadn’t given in.

Until now, apparently.

“Are you really going to tell me I’m being unreasonable?”

“No, of course not! I wouldn’t want to speak to him if I were you either, but…”

“But?”

Another look exchanged, then Andi blurted out, “I heard Reed and TJ got into a fight about it.”

“What?”

“Mandy Lawson said that she and her friends overheard TJ and Reed arguing about the party. Apparently, he was really mad.”

“It was  _ his  _ party, guys. It was his projector. He was the one who had access to the film…” Cyrus trailed off.

“Was he the only one?” Buffy asked. “Who had access to it I mean?”

A nagging thought at the back of his mind; Reed had looked at the footage that day they went out for pizza. But he had only been alone in there for about five minutes before he came out to meet Cyrus and TJ at the car, that wasn’t enough time to edit it properly.

Unless he’d emailed it to himself.

He remembered the look of cruel glee on Reed’s face at the party, the way he’d doubled over laughing with all his friends like it was the funniest thing in the world, and recalled the conversation they’d had in the editing suite.

“What?” Andi asked. “What’s that look?”

“Reed had access to it,” Cyrus sighed. “We went to get pizza a couple of weeks ago… he and TJ came to get me when I was editing the documentary. TJ said Reed wanted to talk to me and…”

“What did he say?”

“He said he wanted to apologise for being so rude to me all the time, but now I think about it he didn’t actually apologise. It was so unbelievably awkward you can’t even imagine, he said he wanted to see the footage and I just let him! Oh my God, how could I be that stupid?”

“Oh, Cyrus,” Buffy said, patting his knee. “You always try to see the best in people. It’s not your fault Reed’s an asshole… God, I’m going to kill him. Who does that?”

“Do you think TJ knew about it?” Andi asked. “I mean… it seems kind of weird that he could set up the whole thing and not notice anything weird happening. You gave him a copy of the film, right? Surely he’d have noticed he was playing the wrong one.”

Cyrus shrugged and picked at a loose thread on his knee. He’d been trying not to dwell on it too much (unfortunately, that was rather difficult given his overactive imagination) and hadn’t come to a clear conclusion on TJ’s part in the whole affair. He mostly agreed with Andi, surely TJ would have noticed he was not playing the right thing, however, there was a small niggling doubt in the back of his mind slowly beginning to increase in volume.

“I think you should talk to him about it,” Buffy said, confidently. “If he was in on it then you can tell him to go f-”

“Buffy,” Andi warned.

“-udge himself,” she finished, a slightly sulky expression on her face. “You deserve closure.”

Closure. The funny thing about closure, which Cyrus had found over the years, was that it was often the easiest way to move on and yet the hardest thing to achieve. Caught between the indecision of wanting to know clearly the events of that evening from TJ’s perspective and also not wanting to face the prospect that the pain he had caused had been deliberate as suspected, Cyrus worried at his bottom lip with his teeth. 

“Buffy’s right,” Andi said with sympathy in her eyes. “It’s the only way to know for sure. You’ve been moping around for so long now… it’s time to face the music.”

“I have not been moping,” he moped.

“Okay, sure.”

“I just…” then he couldn’t stop himself. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about it properly yet and he couldn’t help but let it all out as the emotions overflowed. “It hurt  _ so much,  _ guys. It wasn’t just embarrassing it was… it was awful. It was like the worst rejection in the world. I thought I’d gotten everything so right. I thought I was having the best year  _ ever.  _ I made so many new friends, and the guy I like seemed to like me back and to have that happen, in front of  _ everybody _ , just sucked. I feel like I lost a best friend. I feel so stupid.”

“Oh, Cyrus,” Said Andi as she pulled him into a tight hug. He felt Buffy’s arms close around them both as she joined and he sighed deeply. He didn’t cry but it was a near thing. There was something particularly comforting about a hug from both the girls - it felt like a physical reminder that he could lose a lot of things but they were never going to leave him. No matter what.

“You’re not stupid,” Murmured Buffy. “You’re the smartest person I know. Feelings make people dumb sometimes, but no one can blame you so don’t go blaming yourself. We thought TJ liked you too, that’s why all of this is so weird… Marty said-” She stopped, clamping her mouth shut suddenly with a guilty look in her eye.

“What? What did Marty say?”

She sighed. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything but… I guess it doesn’t matter now. Marty said TJ was really excited when you started talking. And to be honest… I can see that. He wouldn’t shut up about you helping out with your first aid kit for like two weeks after it happened. He really lights up around you.”

“Can I say something?” Andi asked.

“Sure,” he said.

“You know Buffy and I will back you up in any situation… that’s why we haven’t talked to any of the other guys recently, but… TJ  _ has  _ put an awful lot of effort into trying to speak to you for somebody who ‘doesn’t care’. And I mean, he  _ did  _ kiss you. Maybe it’s not so much a case of being mad at him but more a case of being mad at yourself? I’m not saying you’re at fault here, you have every right to feel hurt about what happened, but do maybe think that this is a little bit tainted by wounded pride?”

Cyrus had always prided himself on thinking about these situations relatively rationally. He handed out relationship expert like a pro despite never having had a real boyfriend. He counselled his friends about their feelings all the time. It was a weird experience to have it flipped around. He never thought he’d let his feelings cloud his thoughts, and yet he couldn’t help but feel Andi might be right.

“Maybe…” He said. Both girls sighed in relief. “But I don’t think I’m ready to talk to him about it yet. I need time to think about everything. It’s all so complicated… the notes, the vague conversations,  _ this, _ it all feels like one giant game. I’m still getting my head around it.”

“That’s okay,” Buffy said. “Take all the time you need.”

They were right. He needed to face his fears at some point and probably soon before he let them eat away at him. That was all a part of the new and improved Cyrus; not caring what others thought came alongside being brave. He thought back to the night of the kiss; all the words that went unspoken, but also the ones which didn’t.

_ “I really like you, Cyrus. I’m pretty sure you’re one of my best friends, if not… my best friend.” _

Could TJ really say that to him without meaning it?

 

*******

 

Confronting your own thoughts and feelings is not an easy feat, but Cyrus did it anyway. Two days after his discussion with Andi and Buffy he found himself wandering into the woods and hiding out in the clearing of the Wishing Well. He let his toes drag along the ground as he swung back and forth in a lazy manner, contemplating all the things that had happened that year.   
  
First the notes, which had appeared from nowhere in the beginning and seemed so innocuous before they turned into the twisting chaos they had eventually become. Thinking about them, Cyrus was forced to recognise that TJ had been bringing him joy from the very beginning without him even knowing about it. When Cyrus had been down he'd lifted him right back up without even using his voice. The loop handwriting on pieces of ripped out pages had become such a source of joy that he could still feel the vibrant shock of happiness that had hit him the first time one of them had been slipped into his locker.   
  
Secondly, the basketball team who had appeared in a similar manner. He had a hard time believing Marty or Walker could do anything malicious. They had not only adopted him into their group as one of their own but had also recruited his friends too. Walker and Jonah had a constant stream of inside jokes. Buffy lit up whenever Marty sassed her. Andi was making friends with Iris and Libby, showing off her skills and being appreciated for them like she was meant to be. That was a lot of effort for a group of people to go to just for a joke. He was now seeing that it was possible that in his flight of self-defence he might have been a bit too hasty to jump to conclusions about their involvement in the switched videos.   
  
He hadn't seen them with Reed at school, after all. Reed walked around in his own separate pack of boys, a permanent sneer on his face, though Cyrus no longer felt uneasy around him - only defiant. He wasn't going to let what somebody as cruel as Reed thought of him get him down anymore. He was his own person.   
  
And this decision led to another thought... if he hadn't met any of them he would not be the person he was today. And he had rather come to like that person.   
  
Delving into his own brain turned out to be for the best, as he ordered the conclusions he was coming to in quick succession;   
  
1) It was a little possible to be sad when in a place as beautiful as the clearing was. The way the water trickled over the rocks and the sound of rustling grass made it difficult not to relax. Here he felt his mind was more open. Nothing could disturb him.   
  
2) It was probable that Andi had been right about his pride. He'd been licking his wounds for almost two weeks now and... he still hadn't found out whether TJ was a direct cause of that or not. He'd just been directing his anger his way because he didn't know what else to do with it.   
  
3) He was terrifyingly, heart-breakingly, soul-crushingly in love with TJ Kippen. And he owed it to him to hear him out.   
  
For the first time all afternoon Cyrus lifted his head and noticed what a beautiful clear blue the sky was, the sun radiating warm light down on to him. It was a shame to experience something so lovely all by himself. For half a second he let himself miss TJ's brash laughter and loud comments. He let himself miss the deep green of his eyes and the sweet tilt to his mouth as he smiled. He let himself miss it all.   
  
Then he decided he wasn't going to miss it anymore. He was going to fix it. He was going to talk to TJ at the basketball game.

 

*******

 

To say the students of Jefferson High were excited about the big game would have been an understatement. In the days leading up to it, there was more school pride in the air than anyone had ever witnessed before. It was actually rather alarming. When the day finally came, the school was awash with blue and white. Even Cyrus was finding himself struggling not to get caught up in the buzz. He arrived at the court alone, planning to meet Jonah and Cyrus there. He’d been mentally preparing himself for being in the same place as TJ, and it was a good thing too, the second he came through the door he spotted him.

They looked at one another from across the room. It was interesting to note that even after spending weeks not speaking, the world still felt like it stopped when they made eye contact. Somehow, TJ managed to look even more beautiful than usual. He wondered if he had withdrawal. Could you get withdrawal from cute boys? He wasn’t sure what to do next After a moment, when it had become clear that Cyrus was frozen in place, TJ slowly made his way over in a manner similar to one to be used while approaching a frightened deer.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to come,” TJ greeted with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job at avoiding me lately.”

“Yeah and you didn’t seem to take the hint,” Cyrus shot back, then immediately felt bad about it. He didn’t mean to be so defensive. He may have come to terms with the fact they needed to talk about this but he couldn't help but still be a little wary.

TJ held up his hands in surrender. “I know, I know. I was bugging you. I’m sorry about that. I’ll leave you alone now, I promise. I just have one more thing, okay?

Cyrus just looked at him, folding his arms in discomfort. TJ sighed and shoved his hand into his pocket. After a moment he managed to tug free a small white envelope. He held it out to Cyrus.

“I know you don’t want to hear me try and convince you to talk to me,” he said. “And that’s totally fair. I wouldn’t want to either if it was me. I understand now. So… I just wanted you to know my side of the story. You don’t have to talk to me ever again if you don’t want to, I’d get it if you didn’t, but please just read it. Just so you know.”

He stared at the envelope for a moment and thought back to his conversation with Buffy and Andi at movie night, evaluating the situation. He needed to know what TJ had to say. It was the right thing to do.

Cyrus took the envelope. TJ looked incredibly relieved.

“I’ll read it after the game,” Cyrus promised, not unkindly. And without saying anything else he turned and headed up the bleachers to join Andi and Jonah.

Andi raised her eyebrows at the envelope as he sat down in the space she’d saved beside her. “Everything okay?”

She was not the only one looking at him. TJ and Cyrus had been an obvious topic of conversation around school the past few weeks and while Cyrus had managed to avoid most of the gossip-fueled whispers it was harder to ignore the unsubtle stares he was getting from his classmates. Those who had been closest to the two of them as they spoke had quite clearly done their best to eavesdrop as they were now muttering to one another as they shot him conspicuous looks from below. 

Much to his own surprise, he found he didn’t care.

Cyrus nodded, then raised his fist and began a rallying cry of. “Let’s go, Jefferson!”

Those around them followed his lead and soon a chant was going. Buffy smiled up at them from the court and soon the game commenced, accompanied by loud cheers from the bleachers. For the first time in his life, Cyrus actually found himself following the game properly. It was a good one. The crowd was alive with excitement. It made him feel like he was a part of something.

It wasn’t long before it all turned into absolute mayhem. He didn’t see how it started, in fact, he only realised what was happening when Jonah started tugging on his arm and telling him to ‘ _ look, look!’ _ and then the referee was blowing his whistle in repeated attempts to stop the inevitable. TJ and Reed were fighting.

Brawling actually might have been a more apt description. There was screaming and yelling as their teammates tried to pry them off one another. Cyrus and his friends stood and craned their necks to see what was happening, completely shocked by strange the turn of events. The Tornadoes gathered at the edge of the court looking a mixture of concerned and delight, and somewhere in the crowd a chant of “FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!” had broken out.

They were not going easy on one another. Everyone watched as Reed’s fist connected with TJ’s face, and TJ responded with a sharp elbow to his ribs.

“Oh my God,” Andi gasped.

“They’re gonna kill each other,” Said Jonah in horror. 

For a moment it seemed like he might be right, but then the team finally managed to succeed in tearing them apart. 

In the chaos, Cyrus didn’t even notice Marty jogging up the steps of the bleachers. 

“Hey,” Marty said. “I need to talk to you.”

Cyrus stared at him, then gestured wildly at the mess that was the basketball court at that moment. “Don’t you have more important things to think about right now!”

Marty shook his head and waved him off. “It’s fine. It’ll take them like another five minutes to sort that out. This’ll only take a second, ‘kay?”

“Okay?”

“You should really read that,” Marty pointed to the envelope that was poking out from Cyrus’ pocket. “I think you deserve to see what he has to say.”

“That’s what you came up here to say?” He asked, utterly aghast. “To tell me to read a letter I was already planning to read!”

“I just wanted to make sure you did it,” Marty said. “And to tell you none of us knew about the video, okay? You’re our friend. We wouldn’t do that to you.”

“...okay?”

“So you’ll read it?”

“Yes, I’ll read it,” Cyrus confirmed, now slightly exasperated.

“Now?”

“Seriously, Marty?”

“Seriously. It’s important for both of you. Trust me.”

“Fine. Okay. I’ll read it now.”

Marty’s face brightened. “Great. And when you’re done… he’ll probably be in the nurse’s office.”

“I might not-”

Marty patted his shoulder gently. “Trust me.” Then he skipped back down the steps leaving Cyrus and Andi staring after him.

“How did I come to know so many meddlesome people?” Cyrus wondered aloud.

“It’s because you’re a magnet for trouble,” Jonah said. “Next thing you know they’ll be calling us the Scooby Gang. Are you going to read it?”

He and Andi’s faces were all curiosity and no subtlety. Cyrus sighed and pulled out the envelope. It was time. The problem with some boys, he found as he read through it, was that they were maybe too perfect. Upon finishing the letter, he knew where he needed to go and he headed there in a righteous fury.

 

*******

 

“You love me?!” He exclaimed as he burst through the door to the nurse’s office ten minutes later.

The nurse turned in surprise. TJ was perched on the edge of a seat, small white strips carefully applied above his eyebrow, and he too seemed shocked by Cyrus’ sudden appearance if his gaping mouth was anything to go by.

“I’ll leave you two alone…” The nurse said and backed slowly out of sight.

“Hey,” TJ said softly. 

“You love me?” Cyrus repeated, demanding the statement be acknowledged.

TJ shrugged and gave a small nod, picking at a hang-nail on his thumb. “That’s what I wrote, isn’t it?”

Cyrus glared at him, lost for words. The silence stretched out between them as he grappled for a coherent sentence.

Finally, he exploded. “You can’t just drop that on somebody!”

“I thought it was pretty obvious already?”

“To you maybe! Not to me!”

“Well, now you know.”

“Now I- God, I cannot believe you! You’re ridiculous!” TJ flinched a little - he had never heard Cyrus raise his voice before. It wasn’t out of anger, but more born of confusion and stress than anything else. He was dealing with a lot of emotions at once right then. “Who just- what? What?! You-”

“Are you okay?”

“Am I o- _am I okay?_ ” Cyrus hissed. “No! No, I’m not- what were you _thinking_ going after Reed like that?”

The change in topic was a surprise to both of them. Apparently, instead of dealing with one thing at a time, Cyrus’ brain had decided to focus on everything at once. He needed answers and he needed them right then and there.

“He deserved it?” TJ said awkwardly. “He’s an asshole. I should’ve punched him way earlier.”

“Violence is not the solution here TJ!”

“What else was I meant to do?” TJ demanded, face twisting in irritation. “Stand by while he made fun of you again? No way. I already let that happen once and look where it got us. Do you think I don’t realise he was a jerk to you the whole time? I kept telling him to cool it. I thought maybe he’d warm up to you if he just gave you a chance, I kept trying to convince him… he was just so  _ jealous.  _ I wanted you guys to get along so much and really I should’ve realised that wasn’t going to happen, which isn’t your fault. We could’ve avoided this whole thing if I-”

“No.”

“What?”

“No,” Cyrus repeated, the fury draining out of him all at once. He was hit by the impact of TJ’s words quite without warning. “It’s not your fault. And you already apologised, in this.” He waved the unfolded letter at him. “And you can’t control what other people do. I should’ve confronted Reed about his behaviour too.”

“I-”

“Shush, it’s my turn to speak.”

TJ’s jaw snapped shut and he stared at Cyrus. Cyrus took a deep breath.

“This whole thing has just been so stupid,” he said. TJ shifted uncomfortably where he sat. “So, so dumb… for two guys who spent the last few months talking about everything and anything, we are _ bad _ at communicating. Buffy’s right. Boys are stupid.”

TJ opened his mouth to say something but shut it again when Cyrus held up his hand.

“Let me finish. We’re bad at communicating. If we had talked about this before it, none of this… mess would ever have happened. But that’s not all on you. That’s on me too. I didn’t tell you how I felt either, and I didn’t even give you a chance to explain your side of the story. I was just so focused on feeling bad about myself that I didn’t even stop to consider I might’ve been wrong about what happened. I didn’t handle it well and I’m sorry about that.”

“Can I speak now?” TJ asked after a moment of quiet. Cyrus nodded.

“I know you didn’t mean for me to see it,” he said. “But seeing you admit you liked me on the video… I was so afraid you might not feel the same way I didn’t even think about bringing it up, even after we kissed, so hearing it all confirmed that night was… watching you leave made me realise I was too late.”

Cyrus’ tone softened. “Yeah, you were.”

TJ’s hung his head and sniffed. 

“You should’ve told me how you felt sooner,” he continued. “But I should’ve done the same. Because I love you too, and you deserve to know that.”

His head snapped up and he swallowed.

“You love me?” He croaked, eyes misty. 

Cyrus nodded and stepped forward into his space. “So much it scares me. And I want to be with you… if you still want that.”

There was a pause and for one horrible moment Cyrus thought he might be about to get rejected, then TJ just shook his head with a small smile and gazed up at him in amusement.

“Buffy  _ was  _ right,” he said. “We are stupid.”

“We are,” Cyrus agreed, reaching out to brush the bruised side of TJ’s face in a gentle caress. “So is that a yes?”

“You think I could say no to an offer like that? The boy of my dreams is standing in front of me asking if we can be together… I'm not saying  _ no. _ ”

Cyrus couldn't help but laugh a little at that. They had both gone so long without saying anything and to have it all out in the open felt incredible. The realisation of it all hit him hard.

TJ Kippen  _ liked  _ him. TJ Kippen wanted to be his  _ boyfriend. _

Oh, this was so not how he expected this year to go, but he was so grateful for it.

They grinned at one another and Cyrus leaned in. He closed his eyes, focusing on the way his heart was pounding in his chest, knowing that any minute now they'd seal the deal in a kiss. However, TK pulled back before their lips could meet, leaving Cyrus stood in confusion.

“One more thing!” TJ leaned back and grabbed a pen and paper from the table in the corner. Cyrus furrowed his brow in confusion as he watched his scribble hastily then tear off the corner. He handed it to him. Written across the paper was a familiar loopy scrawl.

**_‘Will you go to the Spring Formal with me?’_ **

“You’re ridiculous,” Cyrus sighed and leaned in with a smile. “Of course I will.”

“Thank God,” TJ breathed, joy filling his eyes. “It would’ve sucked to go stag.”

A breathless laugh escaped him. “I love you, TJ Kippen.”

“I love you too, Cyrus Goodman,” And he proved it with a kiss.

  
  
  


**EPILOGUE: TJ’s letter.**

 

When he got home that night, Cyrus dug through the trash and pulled out all the notes he had tossed away. He placed them back into their box with care, then added a final touch.

TJ’s letter. 

 

**_“Dear Cyrus,_ **

**_Please don’t worry. I’m not going to bother you anymore after this and I’m sorry for bugging you so much in the first place. I should have left you alone when you made it clear that you didn’t want to talk. It was disrespectful of me not to consider your boundaries._ **

**_I have several things to explain here, but first I owe you an apology. I didn’t know about the video. That was all Reed. It’s still my fault though, I should’ve protected you and I didn’t even though I promised to. I’m really sorry about that. You didn’t deserve to go through any of that._ **

**_Secondly, I need to own up to what I think you already know. It was me who sent you all those notes. I’ve liked you for a long time but I never knew how to approach you. I thought you deserved to know you were special, but I wasn’t ready to tell you in person, so I wrote it all down. It seems stupid now and I’m sorry for not telling you. I wasn’t completely honest with you when I should’ve been, and that’s not what a good friendship is supposed to be about._ **

**_It’s been two weeks since we spoke last and I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk to me. I would’ve given up by now, but I remembered what Old Man Aberman said about fighting for the people you love. And I do. I do love you. I love you so much it makes my stomach hurt. I never knew it was even possible to feel this strongly about one person._ **

**_You are the kindest, most caring, most incredible person I’ve ever met. I’m so lucky to know you. I’m not asking for forgiveness, I just wanted you to know. I would never purposefully hurt you and causing you pain was the last thing I ever wanted._ **

**_You deserve the world and I hope you get your happy ending._ **

 

**_**_\- TJ.”_ ** _ **

 

 

He did get his happy ending, and looking down at that little box of love-filled notes he knew that there was no one else he’d rather have it with. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
